Holidays

[Eco]

Its been a while since I posted, I've been very busy with a new job with zero extra time. I'm a temp and the pay isn't good at all but I've got a chance to get hired on and its a good company and my salary would double plus it fits the court order schedule so I wont miss time with my daughter.  I was out of work for nearly a year and im in a financial mess which has caused a delay in going back to court . I'm very stressed over that because I need to take my ex back to court ASAP, she knows im in a financial mess so she's getting braver. the thought of me taking her back to court has kept her contained at best.

I was paying half of my daughters daycare every week on top of my child support which was eating up most of my check, my ex ended up taking her out of the daycare without letting me know and putting her back to being watched by her friend that watches other kids. I don't like this babysitter because every time my daughter starts going there she starts hitting people again. this is the 3rd time my daughter has been to this babysitter this year and the 6th time she has changed babysitters this year.

This year I got my daughter for thanksgiving break, per the court order my normal visitation is on Wednesdays from 3pm to pm and the court order states that I get my daughter after school on Wednesday and bring her back Sunday at 6pm.

I went to the babysitters house as usual on wed to get my daughter at 3 pm, when I got there the babysitter told me my ex already picked my daughter up so I go by my exs house which is 2 min away and no one is home so I go to exs work which is a residence ( I know exs boss and they like me ) My ex comes flying out of the house like a bull that's been stung by 20 bees screaming at me. I was expecting trouble so I had the court order out and my phone recording, ex demanded to know why I was there and explained the court order to her. She read it and said " well DD isn't in school yet ( she will be 3 in march) so I thought it meant 6pm "   First off my normal visitation is wed at 3pm and it was 330 when I got there, 2nd where did she get 6pm when the only thing it mentions 6pm is when I bring her back at 6pm on Sunday.  So I explain all that to her to which she says " well I took it as meaning 6pm and im sticking with that, you call whoever you have to!" she threw the court order at me and stormed off.

The police in my area wont get involved with this kind of stuff so I called for a wellness check which got the police to me within 5 min. I texted my ex and told her I called the police and I got a text back saying that if I wanted to wait until 4pm she would bring my daughter out to me, she was breastfeeding my daughter so she couldn't bring her out now.

The police show up and talk to me then go talk to my ex and out she came 5 min later, she was fuming and told me that if we go back to court she will bring this up   I told her to not worry because I intended to bring it up as well. Why ex wants to bring this up in court is beyond me, shes the one not following the court order.

I got my daughter and we had a great 5 days together for our first thanksgiving. She was so sweet and affectionate for those 5 days and wanted lots of daddy daughter time which I gladly gave. Its so strange my son who is 12 and I love just as much would drain me of all my energy when he was my daughters age but my daughter seems to have the opposite affect with me, I feel so at ease and at peace with her no matter how much time im with her. I'm so lucky to have her but on the other side her mom is the biggest source of stress for me, I feel like I've aged like a president in the past 3 yrs.

Another thing that blew my mind is this. Every Sunday I have my daughter I take her to a flea market that has pony rides and a lady that paints faces, my daughter loves to get her face painted and the lady that does it cant believe how well my daughter does and sits completely still until she is done.  My ex has been fighting me on this saying it stresses my daughter out and hurts her when she washes it off. so I started cleaning it off myself before taking her back to ex, my daughter does fight me washing it off but its because she doesn't want her face being messed with and she doesn't want it taken off. I explain to my daughter that we have to clean it off before she goes back to momma and that settles her down and I have no issues washing it off.

my ex was apparently furious that I disobeyed her and confronted this lady at the flea market forbidding her from painting my daughters face anymore. this poor lady told me about it on Sunday and I assured her that while I have my daughter I give her permission to paint my daughters face. We laughed about it and she said " im so sorry for you and what you must have to deal with., I have never had to deal with someone like your ex " she also said for as long as she has been painting faces she has never heard of someone being that upset over a painted face.

my exs entitlement is off the charts, I have no idea of what to expect next. Christmas is next and I have my daughter the first part of the Christmas break until 12 noon on dec 25th, im sure that's going to trigger her

[livednlearned]

Hi eco,

Nice to see you back, friend 

Congratulations on the job -- that must take a load of stress off your shoulders.

You stood your ground with her and it sounds like you stayed calm, just went into problem-solving mode. Did D seem to know there was a situation?

Be cautious about saying things like, "I intend to bring this up in court." Even though she said it, there's no point making things easy by tipping your hand.

[whirlpoollife]

I'm all for breastfeeding for the health of the baby but at age two and half ... .the PD moms are using it just to get at the dads. It's not necessary when kids are eating solid food and sitting at the table.  You came for your daughter but she made you wait ... .so she could have control. But as lnl said, you handled it will. 

Wish you had some say in what daycare D goes to but asking the L would cost more.

Paying for half of daycare on top of c/s, you are going above and beyond.

The Christmas schedule is a concern , it is for me too, but stick with the court schedule as you plan too.  Knowing ahead of time that xw will try to change it just to have  her control over you gives you the mental note to to stay strong with the boundry of the court order.

You are a good dad. She will remember the swap meet and pony rides. My dad took me to the pony rides often when I was very little and remember them fondly.  If you haven't already , get a picture of her on the pony with you standing next and put it up on your wall. ( along with pics of your S too of course. ) so when the days come around of her stressed from xw she can visually see the calm times with you.

[rarsweet]

As a breastfeeding mom of a 16 month old I can say breastfeeding isn't "necessary", but it is a good thing. Breastfeeding is not an excuse to interfere with dad's time though. In my opinion she should anticipate that Eco is picking up daughter and breastfeed a little earlier. Eco have you thought of doing exchanges somewhere else? I just think it's such a bad idea for you two to cross paths without neutral witnesses. It is asking for trouble.

[Eco]

Eco have you thought of doing exchanges somewhere else? I just think it's such a bad idea for you two to cross paths without neutral witnesses. It is asking for trouble

Its usually at the babysitters during the week but on this occasion I had to track my daughter down. not a good situation but if I wanted to get her it was a must.

You are a good dad. She will remember the swap meet and pony rides. My dad took me to the pony rides often when I was very little and remember them fondly.  If you haven't already , get a picture of her on the pony with you standing next and put it up on your wall. ( along with pics of your S too of course. ) so when the days come around of her stressed from xw she can visually see the calm times with you.

I have many pics and videos of those days, my daughter loves to look at them but lately after watching a few of the videos when we aren't home she gets almost depressed looking and agitated. I think she wants to go home and cant on those days.

Hi eco,

Nice to see you back, friend  smiley

Thank you 

You stood your ground with her and it sounds like you stayed calm, just went into problem-solving mode. Did D seem to know there was a situation?

I'm sure she did but she was very happy to see me and get going