SD10s Behavior...Again...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

There has been a lot of push-pull in our custody situation which has been on-going for 3 years now. The drama was really affecting SD. SD was acting out almost every week at school and at home. It was really bad. At the time she was around 8 and 9 years old. She would have these emotional meltdowns. Screaming, stomping, crying. At home, at school, at aftercare... .it was bad.

We got a temp order a year ago. Shortly after that SD turned 10. The second half of the last school year she was like a completely different kid. She was happy, cooperative. She made honor roll. She wasn't written up at school. I think from the time the temp order started, the next time she had an emotional meltdown was in the summer.

Now she has started a new school year, and she is acting out in school again. Her teacher says that her attitude is getting in the way of her learning. The teacher will give her instructions, and SD10 will argue about them. She will deny that she is doing anything wrong and argue back about it. She is getting written up about once a week now. Then when she is home and we are doing homework with her, she is back to having these emotional meltdowns. She is talking back in a BIG way. Being very disrespectful.

There is a lot going on that may be contributing to her being emotional. DH and I just had a baby. uBPDbm just moved to another town and into a place with a male "friend". DH's father is dying of cancer. We also just lost another close family member to cancer. And our CE is supposedly wrapping up, which triggered uBPDbm into some alienating behavior lately.

uBPDbm blames one of SD10's friends for the behavior in school. We haven't had a problem with the friend and have had her over twice now for sleepovers. The friend was respectful with us. Apparently the friend had walked away from uBPDbm when they were at the mall (she disappeared and they found her later in the food court bathrooms). I think after that uBPDbm started being nasty to the friend, the friend called uBPDbm a b-word and mean and said that I was the nice one, and then uBPDbm has painted the friend black. She's fighting with a 10 year old. Le sigh.

The bottom line is, we don't know how to help her.  :'(

[Thunderstruck]

There has been a lot of push-pull in our custody situation which has been on-going for 3 years now. The drama was really affecting SD. SD was acting out almost every week at school and at home. It was really bad. At the time she was around 8 and 9 years old. She would have these emotional meltdowns. Screaming, stomping, crying. At home, at school, at aftercare... .it was bad.

We got a temp order a year ago. Shortly after that SD turned 10. The second half of the last school year she was like a completely different kid. She was happy, cooperative. She made honor roll. She wasn't written up at school. I think from the time the temp order started, the next time she had an emotional meltdown was in the summer.

Now she has started a new school year, and she is acting out in school again. Her teacher says that her attitude is getting in the way of her learning. The teacher will give her instructions, and SD10 will argue about them. She will deny that she is doing anything wrong and argue back about it. She is getting written up about once a week now. Then when she is home and we are doing homework with her, she is back to having these emotional meltdowns. She is talking back in a BIG way. Being very disrespectful.

There is a lot going on that may be contributing to her being emotional. DH and I just had a baby. uBPDbm just moved to another town and into a place with a male "friend". DH's father is dying of cancer. We also just lost another close family member to cancer. And our CE is supposedly wrapping up, which triggered uBPDbm into some alienating behavior lately.

uBPDbm blames one of SD10's friends for the behavior in school. We haven't had a problem with the friend and have had her over twice now for sleepovers. The friend was respectful with us. Apparently the friend had walked away from uBPDbm when they were at the mall (she disappeared and they found her later in the food court bathrooms). I think after that uBPDbm started being nasty to the friend, the friend called uBPDbm a b-word and mean and said that I was the nice one, and then uBPDbm has painted the friend black. She's fighting with a 10 year old. Le sigh.

The bottom line is, we don't know how to help her.  :'(

[bravhart1]

Sorry this is hard. I know you know I understand exactly what you are going through.

I know it seems like you guys have a lot going on, and you do, but if I had to take a educated guess? It's the alienation starting back from mom again which is making SD need to lash out, act out what ever you call it.

I would sit SD down and remind her of her past problems, remind her how hard she worked to overcome them and how great the rewards were, honor roll, self esteem, better r/s with family, friends and teachers/staff, and mostly how much better she felt about herself. Show her the road she's on, and how to get back to the road to sucessful behaviour.

I do this with SD7 and it really hits home. She sometimes will even tell me she is suppposed to "make trouble" during dads time to "even" out the score according to mom, but we gently remind her that mom isn't suffering the consciquences SD is and why would her mom want that for her child? I tell SD she must have misunderstood BPDm  

Hey what ever works!

[livednlearned]

The risk for our kids having emotional and psychological issues is high, even without the added stresses. I don't know if it's a sensitive genotype or a shattered nerve system from all the chaos or what.

Do you notice different temperaments with the teachers that SD10 has had over the years? Any chance that could be a factor in terms of her behavior?

How are you handling the disrespectful behavior? Anything seem to be working?