Hello C.Stein - I've read many of your posts on several threads. You strike me as a wise, thoughtful and intelligent person.
I understand why you wish for closure but I'm not sure that sending a lengthy letter will achieve that. Some of your drafts might be construed by her as food for her ego and could be used by her if you reconcile. Really, this is not about her but about you. You achieving closure and detachment. If that's what you want.
Thank you troisette and thank you for your thoughts. This may just be an exercise in achieving better understanding and providing myself with some closure. There are many unknowns with her, the biggest being I don't know if she can be the type of partner I need. I want an equal partner. There are some core issues with her that I am uncertain if she can or ever will overcome. While I believe she does have the potential to conquer these issues I just don't know if she is willing or capable of making a sustained and lasting effort.
One big problem I think is because I believe she is largely unaware of these issues and/or won't admit to herself they are issues at all. This is especially true when other people are enabling her to continue to believe these types of behavior are acceptable in a relationship. In our last big fight I told her I couldn't be the man she needed me to be, that she needed a lapdog and I will not allow myself to be treated like that. If she is in a new relationship then this may very well be what she found.
Writing it and then destroying it, may help. Otherwise a short note if you feel it necessary to communicate your feelings to her.
Here are my latest short note efforts. I believe it is likely to be a futile effort.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=287324.0;allMy overriding feeling is that you deserve better than what she is able, or not able, to give you. If you go forward without her you have a good chance of achieving that.
You are quite likely correct. This is something I have struggled with myself, believing she can be more than what she is right now. I want to believe she can be but I hesitate ... .mostly because in order for me to believe I need for her to believe in herself.
