boyfriend on supervised visits

[suffering_parent]

BPD mom has her Christmas visit coming.   She has had the same boyfriend for 1.5yrs now and wants to bring him on the visit.   My current court order states no boyfriends are allowed on the visits.

My lawyer seems to think it will be tough to keep denying him access since is a long term relationship.   I am quite worried because he has four children of his own and has limited visitation to them.   I know nothing else of his situation.   Mom has had a history of bringing very toxic people around our kids.

I have a new lawyer and not sure she understands the risks.   The problem she thinks is during the next round of never ending court the judge will be sympathetic and it will make me look bad for not allowing it.   Frustrated to say the least.

Not sure what to do?

[bravhart1]

How was this idea of BF coming to the visit brought to you to decide?

Where and how long is this visit, is it four hours at a facility, is it kids spend two days at hotel with mom?

When in doubt I believe and have read on these boards from many others, that you should refer back to the court order. There is a reason your specific order says " no boyfriends", right?

If you aren't sure of bf's goodness, and moms ability to judge bf's goodness, then to err on the side of protecting your children can't be wrong. If moms BF is very important, then more notice than this, and an attempt to change the court order so he may be present for visits would have been the right thing.

I think it's as simple as saying "I don't feel comfortable making the decision to change the court order" if you want to change it, then I will listen to your reason you provide the court , and be as open minded to it as I can be.

If I only got to see my child(ren) for one visit during Christmas, I sure as heck wouldn't be trying to make it about my BF.

[formflier]

  Less is more, Make it about the court order, that makes it easy for you.         

FF

[suffering_parent]

The visit is for six days.    Basically she stays in a hotel and runs around town with kids during the day.   They return to sleep at home.   She has wanted to bring someone on her visits EVERY time including her boyfriend.   She is only allowed to bring a select few of her family members and she always wants to bring someone who is not allowed.

She did file a motion to totally change a lot of the things in the custody order including introducing her bf.   She isn't asking for more time with them even though she only has 3 visits per year right now.   I mean if your going to pay to have a modification the most important thing would be to have more time you would think.   She doesn't have a lawyer and didn't file it properly so it's not happening for the moment.   There is no change in her circumstances to warrant any changes anyways.

I agree with sticking with the current order and not allowing it, but I fear the judge.   She has been mad at me a few times for not being more flexible.   She has no idea the kind of boundaries it takes to deal with a BPD.   If your not firm its a nightmare and I need to be on the court order.   She never wants to follow any of it.