My obsessed BPD gf

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all

I have been reading about this disorder for quite some time and I have not had my gf clinically proven to be a borderline, however she pretty much has 99/100 traits and behaviours so it's highly likely that she is.

There is one confusing thing, it seems that most 'nons' are abandoned by their borderline... .my borderline is a stalker, will refuse to leave, calls 500 times a day and sends 500 messages, pretty much the works.

How common is this in borderlines? I can explain in detail her behaviours but I want to know firstly how common obsessed borderlines are

[Confusedpe]

Hi all

I have been reading about this disorder for quite some time and I have not had my gf clinically proven to be a borderline, however she pretty much has 99/100 traits and behaviours so it's highly likely that she is.

There is one confusing thing, it seems that most 'nons' are abandoned by their borderline... .my borderline is a stalker, will refuse to leave, calls 500 times a day and sends 500 messages, pretty much the works.

How common is this in borderlines? I can explain in detail her behaviours but I want to know firstly how common obsessed borderlines are

[Moselle]

Confused,

Welcome to the site.

Obsession and Obsessive Compulsive disorder, can be associated with BPD, and was the case with my ex.

Obsession with a loved one is often best described as idolisation, and can switch to devaluing behaviour end then switch back. This is the push/pull nature of BPD.

How do you feel about being bombed with sms's and calls?

[cloudten]

Hi Confusedpe,

Mine did not leave me-- but he pushed me out. He is more of an obsessive type... .I wouldn't say OCD though (I am OCD but a NON).

I had to get a restraining order against mine. He had written emails, texts, and told me in person countless times that he would stalk me. The times we broke up without the restraining order- he did, in fact, stalk me.

Mine is diagnosed. Mine is pretty darn hard core BPD.

What are you doing to protect yourself? What are you doing to take care of yourself?

[Confusedpe]

Thanks for the replies guys ... .

I don't know what other cross over disorders she may have but she begs to have me in her life and treats me good temporarily, then she switches and I become her enemy and she will use any small excuses she can find to make a big deal out of them, then when I threaten to leave she behaves again and the cycle continues

She has almost every trait of a BPD... .splitting, projecting onto me, tempter tantrums, devaluing the living day lights out of me etc

All this hurts me so much because I try to be so considerate to her

I am trying to break out of this cycle so desperately I know there is better out there! I am

Generally a strong minded person who has all the other aspects of my life under good control, job, money, family values etc

[Confusedpe]

Dear friends, I have a new question if anyone could help

- I am not the typical BPd non, from what I've read the majority of BPD non's are very passive and accepting of their partners behaviors till it gets to the point where they can no longer take

It and they blow up

Let it be told, I am not the passive type, I am actually very assertive/aggressive. This has made my relationship with my BPD gf explosive! Yes I have become her 'enabler' because I have accepted all her irratic behaviour however I am not the push over type to take it

Am I a different type of 'non' or is this common also

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Hi Confused,

Re your first question, my UxBPDbf stalked and harassed me after I walked away.  He contacted me approx 700 times within a 10 month period (txts, emails, voicemails, unwanted visits).  He has stopped at present because he is in jail (for something unrelated to me).  I have been very grateful to get the reprieve for several months.  I hope it has given him time to detach and that I will not hear from him ever again. 

Re your second question, I am also very assertive so we had many fights. I am not a people pleaser and was not afraid to say no to him.  That said, he was so smart, articulate, and convincing that I said yes to him prob more than anyone else in my life.  I count my lucky stars I was only with him for less than a year.   

[once removed]

hey confusedpe 

the word "non" gets thrown around a lot. all it means is the "non" disordered partner in a relationship, no more no less, a "non" is not a subgroup of people, or a "type" that becomes involved with borderlines. that doesnt mean we dont have plenty in common, or commonalities in our personalities. and many as we are at this forum, we are a relatively small sampling of those who have been involved with a person with borderline traits.

i was, for the most part, assertive and aggressive myself, in my relationship. sometimes overly so, sometimes appropriately so. you wont have everything in common with everything you read here, and vice versa.

hope that helps

[Confusedpe]

thank u so much all, the cycle absolutely never ceases to continue

This girl was 'crazy-making' from the first month I met her, to be honest I ran for the hills after a 2-3 month relationship and then she agonizingly stalked and done everything in her power to try and get me back.

I eventually fell victim to her chameleon nature and took her back after approx 1 year. I have since then been on the ultimate roller coaster ride. She splits between valuing and devaluing me for any reason that strikes her, she is the ultimate kitchen sinker, never keeps her end of the bargain or agreement, tries to defend her actions and behaviours and has just made my life an absolute misery.

Family and friends have noticed all of this and are advising to run the for hills to save my own sanity but as we are all aware here it's not that easy when I have been basically rewarding and enabling this toxic behaviour

The ability to rationalize it in my head and the fear of the unknown is killing me

Inside