Wanting some support

[Tamster]

Looking for help with my 20

Year old daughter who hasn't been clinically diagnosed because she won't seek help.  This is where my research has l d me so far.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Tamster]

I had a normal teen a year ago who was a college student and working part time.  Everything in her life changed October of 2014.  I started noticing her staying out later and later even with school the next day.  I didn't really think much of it as when I was young I could stay out late and still maintain my commitments whether it be school or work. I figured she must have met someone and now had a love interest.  :)uring a Birthday dinner for my older daughter who lived on her own we began teasing T guessing that she had a boyfriend.  T sheepishly grinned and wouldn't admit to having a boyfriend.  A few weeks later I told her I knew she had a boyfriend and asked why she wouldn't introduce him to us.  Her reply was "we wouldn't like him".  She eventually told me that he had tattoo's.  I laughed and said "is that all"?  I found this funny because my ex husband has many tatoo's.  Personally I don't have a problem with them as long they don't affect your ability to obtain a descent job.  Besides all my siblings have at least one tattoo.  

Pretty soon T's behavior towards me and my live in boyfriend of 2.5 years started changing.  Respect flew out the window per say.  I started smelling marijuana and cigarettes on her.  Then I began finding paraphernalia in her room and car.  I had just co signed on a new car for her.  I had two rules, 1 no drugs in my house or cars and call or text if you aren't coming home.  Both rules were repetitively broken.  

Our car keys were hung by the front door on a key ring.  T stopped hanging her keys there and started keeping them with her.  I needed to go to work one day and her keys weren't where they were supposed to be.  I had to go into her room to get them.  Of course she was beyond mad to say the least that I entered her room and that I took the keys.  I would get into her car and could smell the marijuana.  I of course was upset over this and brought it to her attention.  I reminded her of the rules and that if she couldn't follow the rules she would loose the privilege of driving my car.  This type of incident happened several times and I eventually with held the car keys from her.  It wasn't much longer after that that I realized she had quit school.  

Finally she had to introduce her boyfriend to us as we had both shown up at the front door at the same time.  I later found out from T that J the BF had been wearing make up on his face to cover his facial tattoos.  It was a brief introduction and they left quickly after that.    

I gave T a second chance at the car and returned the keys.  Again I found a large bag of marijuana and a scale with several film case containers in the trunk of the car after a physical altercation with T.  The cops were called out and due to T's behavior she was taken to ETS for her own safety per the officer.  Things have only been worse and more frequent outburst.  I can't trust her for anything.  I've taken everything away from her.  She lost her license due to unpaid speedy tickets as well as her job as a pizza delivery person

.  She has several parking tickets which I have to pay for because the car is in my name.  I took away her house keys because she lets her homeless drug dealing boyfriend in our house while we are gone.  

The BF J is 8 years older, married and has two kids.  He has 2 domestic violence and assault and battery charges from LA and Colorado against his wife.  He does get EBT money of which he sells for cash so he can buy his weed.  He smokes every day multipile times a day.   I believe T was doing the same but has slowed down quite a bit lately.  

I have seen T come home with bruises on her so many times it's not even funny.  She leaves and doesn't come home for days at a time.  One time she was gone for 14 days without any communication with me.  She recently told me that that was because J had hit her in the face splitting her bottom lip open requirring 14 stitches.  She has admitted to J hitting her and leaving the bruises.  Plus I have seen some of her post on twitter of which she doesn't know I have access too.  J confiscates her phones for days at a time and has destroyed 2 of them, one of which she had only had for 18 hours before he destroyed her band new iPhone 6.  

T has told me that J wants her be a stripper for fast easy money.  T borrowed my phone one time to check her email.  I saw in my browser that she had accessed a site called "Seeking Arrangements".  She left her emails from this site opened on my phone.  I was able to see who she had been talking to and what they were talking about.  Basically she is looking for a sugar daddy.  She is willing to get paid to be somebody's "Eye candy".  Other messages ask her "How much for a weekend or 1 night"   This scares the living daylights out of me.

J was able to buy a cheap car recently and quite often leaves T is random cities.  I have gotten several phone calls in the middle of the night from her crying saying she's been left in LA, Hollywood, Morongo and other various cities.  I'm so afraid to know the reasons for this but then again she won't tell me anything.  Any time I ask her what's going on or if she needs help she shuts me down and won't give me any info.

Everything is a secret with her.  I'm at my wits end.  I don't know how else to help her.   I work for Kaiser and have help at our finger tips for relatively nothing but she refuses help.  I believe he has her completely manipulated and quite possible has been grooming her for a year for prostitution.   Please any advise from someone going thru the same hell.

[mimi99]

Wow--It sounds like it has been really rough for you. It's so scary to be unable to protect your child and to watch them self-destruct. You say you had a normal teen up until recently. What behaviors other than substance abuse are you seeing that make you think she has BPD? How old is she now? Tell us more so that we are better able to help. Take a look at the articles about BPD and the tools listed on the right --->  Being here is a great start to getting the support you need.