If I get to the divorce point, I am sure I will be looking down the barrel of parental alienation, so I have sought advice on this subject. My wife already badmouths me - even in my presence. She also has behaviors which I think are instinctive for her, such as saying things like ":)addy didn't give us any money" or leaving the room crying when I ask the kids something positive - basically she's programming the kids that I'm some kind of monster. I have also read ":)ivorce Poison" and "How to Raise the Kid You Love With the Ex You Hate" which relates.
The strategy I have decided upon is to share with the kids my concerns about alienating behavior, but, to have the explicit information come from a therapist meeting with the kid in question. You do not want to be the one putting words or ideas into the kids' heads, but, you have a parental duty to protect them from the manipulation. So, talk to a therapist, tell him/her your concerns and have the T address it in sessions.
Then, for your own behavior, I still think the best advice is to walk above the mudslinging. Keep being an ace parent, and culture emotional intelligence in kids (most importantly teach them a sense of self). Maybe not right away, but I have faith that kids will see through crazy on their own eventually.
Sympathy for you facing this challenge.
