Just thinking

[FlyFish]

Been 4 months NC with my lovely exuBPDgf. Just talked to a mutual friend of both of ours who says she is not doing that well and is not seeing anyone. Of course I've heard from some friends that she is seeing her exBF. So don't know what to believe. My ex also stated to our mutual friend that part of the reason she left is because she was hurting me so bad and she knew she wasn't good for me even though she loved me. Is it possible for a BPD to recognize this? I actually think that it is with my ExuBPDgf. I'm hurting today. Want to reach out to her but know that it will open up many doors that I have been working so hard to close. Why am I holding on so hard to something I know is not good for me? I know this is a repeat question of many on here but it is hitting me hard today. Just frustrated with the whole situation.

[Joem678]

Yes they really feel like this. I was told many times she didn't want to hurt me anymore.  I was also asked "why do you still love me"? 

[JQ]

Hey Flyfish,

I agree with Joem ... .I was told many times the same thing you to were told ... .BPD is a SERIOUS Behavioral / mental illness that is challenging to manage for even the best therapist so don't get frustrated. My exBPDgf has been in and out of therapy for 25 plus years with just about as many therapist.  It can be frustrating ... .I get that ... .I was too ... .but like you said you're trying to close doors and frankly her the flying monkey's she let lose by opening up the cage doors are her flying monkey's to put back in their respective cages ... .not yours.

Get out ... .take a quick walk around the block ... .expend some energy ... .call a friend and talk about anything but her ... .

Take a baby step forward ... .keep moving forward ... .

JQ

[Lucky Jim]

Hey FlyFish, If you reach out to her, what makes you think it will play out differently?  A BPD r/s has an addictive quality to it, so it's also possible that you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms, which is quite normal.  Presumably you broke up for a reason.  What was the reason or reasons?  Sometimes we tend to recall the positive things without balancing it out with the negative experiences.

LuckyJim