Trying to take care of my 16 year old granddaughter

[Grand-mom58]

My granddaughter called me just before Thanksgiving and asked if she could live with us to have a fresh start.  She had been living in another state for 9 years with her mother (my daughter) and step dad, step sister and 2 young siblings.  She hasn't been a happy child for a very long time.  By the time she called me she had pretty much burned every bridge in her hometown.  It is a very small town.  Her grades had taken a dive and she had very few healthy relationships left.

When she was very little she was happy, funny, loving but always a bit defiant with her mother.  Our home was her go to safe place.  It was a no brainer that we would offer her a home now.  Unfortunately now that I am thrown into the caretaker position and having to set rules and limits she thinks I am just like her mother and doesn't want to be here.  I realize she is hurting, probably homesick and feeling abandoned by her mother.  I am just having a hard time not being the grandmother she use to love so much. I feel scared, sad and a bit helpless.  My other daughter is a therapist and found a qualified therapist in our area but there is a waiting list.  I can't sleep because I worry she will try to leave or worse.  Any words of wisdom would be welcome.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[understandnow]

You have took on a big one.  I have a 12 yr old. Granddaughter I worry that she may end up with us full time.  My own teenagers didn't like me when they were that age.  None of them were happy with rules.  I would say your granddaughter is not happy with the rules you have established but I'm pretty sure she still loves you.  I'm sure she feels abandoned and lost but your house  use has always been a safe house and with mutually agreed upon rules (mutual is a stretch) it can work as long as she complies.  It's her choice to break them and receive the consequences that should be spelled out clearly.  Giving her love with guidance and respect is the main goal on both sides.  Good luck!  I don't think it's going to be an easy road.