daughter might have BPD

[penny52]

My daughter is showing signs of BPD, she has two children quite young, and I have become very concerned for them. I guess I just wanted to read a little bit about how people deal with this and maybe get tips on how to get her to see a therapist.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Herodias]

I am sorry for you if this is the case... .I would keep studying here and look into the NAMI group, which is the National Association for Mental Illness. I took a free course through them. If they are in your area I recommend it. They also have a support group. There were many parents of BPD's. It is very hard to get them into therapy... .I have seen parents of women with BPD worry for their grandchildren. It is a tough situation. Learn all you can... .Best wishes that you can find some support and solace in your family.

[wendydarling]

Hi Penny52 and welcome to you.  I registered with bpdfamily last week though I have been visiting the site to learn and research since my daughter (27) was finally diagnosed earlier this year, after 14 years of symptoms presenting to Drs regularly. We live in London, UK.

Has your daughter been diagnosed with BPD or are you working this out yourself, so far?  The diagnosis has helped us both move forward, small steps but good ones.  My daughter organised private CBT therapy for herself earlier this year before the diagnosis and it sent her into turmoil because the therapist dug to the past and provided no coping mechanisms.  If you are looking for therapy I'd recommend DBT after a diagnosis, as this site commends.

How is your daughter? Does she accept she needs and wants to help herself?

Best wishes to you.

[penny52]

Hi, no, I haven't been able to bring it up yet, I'm waiting to talk to a therapist so I don't muck it up and make her more angry with me. I have determined through reading that this is the problem but of course until she talks to someone I'll just keep thinking I must be the crazy one, she really has kept me jumping the last couple of weeks. Thank you for your kind words, the more I research the more I think it started when she turned 15, so I can understand your joy in seeing some light at the end of a long tunnel.

[donnab]

Hi penny52 sorry to hear that things are difficult and causing you worries. My BPDd22 was diagnosed in 2014 but looking back was ill since the onset of puberty at 12.

We have had custody of her 2 1/2 year old dd since she was just under a year. That first year was very worrying because the stress of having a baby was making my dd so ill and there were neglect and abuse issues going on. If you have serious concerns then I would advise going to Social Services and reporting the issues. Believe me I know how hard this is but in the end the children have to be protected.

If you don't think this is necessary the advice is to be a stable and supportive presence in their lives to counter balance the difficulties they will be experiencing. There is a book recommended on this site called "Sometimes Mummy Gets Angry" which I've read good reviews on.

We're in the Uk too and I must say with the lack of funding in services at the moment the picture can look bleak. However I work in a crisis cafe on a Friday & Saturday and have met someone who has done the Stepps programme and now is in recovery. I find this so inspiring and it gives me hope that if my dd gets to the point where she wants to engage with therapy she can go into recovery