Daughter has disconnected from me and her sister

[jenstar]

My daughter has not been officially diagnosed with BPD, but after her sister and myself went to BPD sessions we noticed that she has some traits, including self harm, aggression, inappropriate behaviour, impulsiveness and disconnection. She is 25.

Since June this year, she has disconnected herself (via Facebook, phone, etc.) from both myself and my other daughter, her sister. This started after both her sister and I attempted to tell her that we will not accept her abusive and aggressive actions any longer, and that we both feel she is feeling anger because of past events (divorce) which has resulted in a personality disorder.  We made it clear we think she is a victim, and not a perpetrator. Her father was quite vindictive after our divorce, which was when she was at the vulnerable age of 14, and he convinced her to move in with him, where she was left alone for sometimes a week at a time and got involved in drugs. They both rejected any contact from me and my other daughter.

Now it is Christmas eve and she has moved interstate, won't allow us to have her address (so we can send a present) and won't even confirm if she has the same bank account so we can deposit money for Christmas. This is heart-wrenching. We have both found one way that we can communicate with her (via a free mobile messaging service), however we use it sparingly as we are afraid she will also block us from that. She will rarely reply to messages, and because I have been hurt by constant non-replies, I am finding that I am not communicating as much (i.e. once a month instead of once a week).

Both myself and my other daughter has suffered abuse (verbal and physical threats) and extreme hurt for many years at the actions of her. She does not accept she has done anything wrong and attempts to revert the blame to us instead which only hurts us due to what we have been through. We have done nothing but love her.

Funnily enough, she has not blocked her father.

Can anyone suggest what we could do to improve our relationship and have her communicating with us again?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Daisy67]

Jenstar, I'm in a similar situation with my 22 year old son. No contact apart from abuse whenever I try to connect. He is my only child. Its 6.00pm on Christmas Eve here and I'm thinking about going over to his place to try again, but I'm afraid I'll just get more abuse. I feel I have to try at this time of year though. It's very difficult, I understand what you are going through. 

[Eyeamme]

I understand too. It is heartbreaking. However, to be away from the abuse feels amazing. After 30 years I finally broke.