BPDw "willing" to enter therapy but also wants divorce.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So my BPDw is "willing" to goto therapy.

However, she also wants a divorce.

She says all kinds of things but I am curious as to how to react to this?

I've been thinking things lately like "this is her path and she needs to follow it wherever that may lead... ."

On the other side of the coin-I'm worried that this tact is just a way to remove the "painted black me" and she may have the best intentions or no intention of actually following through. Because, intuitively, that's what it feels like. 

She says she waivers between knowing she has a problem and thinking she has no problem at all.

She has made moves to distance herself from our relationship. Divorce was always her goto reaction to a trigger. She lies alot. She's cheating. She says its for "validation". That she has no real interest in these men emotionally. Yet she has emotional attachment to me, I think. But I'm not sure if she is really capable of emotional attachment. The acknowledgement doesn't stop/mitigate her behavior. We do have a child together.

It's like she wants to pile all of these moves togetherromises of therapy/divorce/new love triangle.

It's very strange. When she talks, sometimes it sounds lucid and logical:acceptance of her need to get help, etc. And her want for us to divorce.

But her actions are typical of BPD traits outlined here.

It's starting to become increasingly hard to distinguish which person to listen to.

I would prefer taking baby steps rather than piling on. I know part of her feels like getting rid of me will help solve her problems.

Part of me wants to try and limit her actions in the sense that doing everything at once is too much.

Another part of me wants to do the divorce first and she can help herself or not.

She has said that she wants me to find someone who can make me happy. "she will get help. But in the meantime, I should try to move on... ."

The obvious thing to me is that I'm in no shape to get into another relationship. Nor would I want to. I don't know if she is baiting me for another love declaration of commitment to her despite her indiscretions.

Do I stay?

Do I go?

It's all very confusing.

 

[Concerns]

So my BPDw is "willing" to goto therapy.

However, she also wants a divorce.

She says all kinds of things but I am curious as to how to react to this?

I've been thinking things lately like "this is her path and she needs to follow it wherever that may lead... ."

On the other side of the coin-I'm worried that this tact is just a way to remove the "painted black me" and she may have the best intentions or no intention of actually following through. Because, intuitively, that's what it feels like. 

She says she waivers between knowing she has a problem and thinking she has no problem at all.

She has made moves to distance herself from our relationship. Divorce was always her goto reaction to a trigger. She lies alot. She's cheating. She says its for "validation". That she has no real interest in these men emotionally. Yet she has emotional attachment to me, I think. But I'm not sure if she is really capable of emotional attachment. The acknowledgement doesn't stop/mitigate her behavior. We do have a child together.

It's like she wants to pile all of these moves togetherromises of therapy/divorce/new love triangle.

It's very strange. When she talks, sometimes it sounds lucid and logical:acceptance of her need to get help, etc. And her want for us to divorce.

But her actions are typical of BPD traits outlined here.

It's starting to become increasingly hard to distinguish which person to listen to.

I would prefer taking baby steps rather than piling on. I know part of her feels like getting rid of me will help solve her problems.

Part of me wants to try and limit her actions in the sense that doing everything at once is too much.

Another part of me wants to do the divorce first and she can help herself or not.

She has said that she wants me to find someone who can make me happy. "she will get help. But in the meantime, I should try to move on... ."

The obvious thing to me is that I'm in no shape to get into another relationship. Nor would I want to. I don't know if she is baiting me for another love declaration of commitment to her despite her indiscretions.

Do I stay?

Do I go?

It's all very confusing.