"Document Everything" - What does this mean

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It seems like very common advice here and elsewhere to ":)ocument Everything" when dealing with a high conflict relationship. Could anyone give specifics on what exactly this means?

Do you just keep a journal? Record conversations (illegal in my state)? Send emails to trusted third parties? Something different?

Thanks,

[DeltaOne]

It seems like very common advice here and elsewhere to ":)ocument Everything" when dealing with a high conflict relationship. Could anyone give specifics on what exactly this means?

Do you just keep a journal? Record conversations (illegal in my state)? Send emails to trusted third parties? Something different?

Thanks,

[puppyface]

It seems like very common advice here and elsewhere to ":)ocument Everything" when dealing with a high conflict relationship. Could anyone give specifics on what exactly this means?

Do you just keep a journal? Record conversations (illegal in my state)? Send emails to trusted third parties? Something different?

Thanks,

MHO, it would be to write down, keep a spiral notebook, dates and what someone says or does that you might need in court someday. or when the person comes back and said "I never said that!" or did that, etc. or who you met with, just so you know.

(example) 1/2/16 met with sister and mom to go over budget, and mom said she wants a DNR. we talked for 45 min. at sister's house, apx 3 PM. her hubby, Joe, didn't stay, but said hi on his way out.

then when Joe swears mom did not ever say that, you know that sis was a witness and you have the date. makes it easier to be calm and non-emotional and know what was said and when. and people can't argue or call you crazy!

my 2 cents. pf

[Thunderstruck]

DH switched to only communicating by email (and now they're using Our Family Wizard). Emails are easier to show to a judge than text.

In my state it's illegal to video record in private places but if you're in a public place (grocery store, restaurant, etc) where you could be overheard then you can record.

Also in my state it's illegal to record phone conversations without consent of both parties. However, you can record your own half of the conversation (record yourself talking on the phone) and that would be legal.

We go and gather all police dispatch printouts and police reports, cps reports, medical reports, etc.

I think keeping a journal is a good idea, but we never had the discipline to sit down and do this.

[ForeverDad]

Some states have strict recording laws, others don't.  But in my years here I've only heard mention of a few, a mere handful, where the parent got into serious trouble for recording.  The typical instruction they heard from the court was "Stop recording!"  Basically, a slap on the wrist.  This is not to say you can't get the ire of the court, but for most of us it's been a non-issue.

Of course, we would never want to shove a device or microphone into anyone's face.  That could cause an incident.  Basically I'm talking about discreet recording primarily to prove we're not the ones misbehaving.   And too, ahem, we may get some tangible out-of-the-horse's-mouth proof that allegations were trumped up, the other was planning to frame us, we were being disparaged to the children, etc.

In years past courts really went out of their way to ignore recordings and videos.  But these days nearly everyone has a device that can record.  They're literally everywhere today.  Sometimes even if a court doesn't want to hear something (due to time limits or unsure whether it has been edited) it's possible an evaluator or officer may be inclined to listen and use it as one of many information resources.

My state didn't mind recordings, its a one party state.  Actually, my ex was arrested for Threat of DV based on one of my recordings.  (The judge found a way to declare her Not Guilty anyway.)  Years later family court strongly criticized my ex for disparaging me in front of our child.  Yes, based on my recordings again.

Even if court wanted to ignore them all, they were my proof I wasn't the one misbehaving.  They were my 'insurance policy'.  I slept just a little better at night.  I still awoke in the middle of the night with my mind racing in those early months, but it was sure a lot better than having nothing at all in my defense.

[scraps66]

I used to keep a recorder in the house after filing.  Merely to ward off ex on one of her rants.  The one time I whipped it out ( the recorder) I swiftly learned how adept ex was at turning things around to be my fault and that she was being victimized.  It was as if on que.

Then a few years later at a pickup where ex started an argument in front of the kids, and I got angry, she whipped out her phone stating from high ground, "I'm going to record this," all the while staying put right outside my car and doing nothing to control the situation.

To record or not to record, or whether admissible in court or not, kind of doesn't matter.  I don't think any L would risk bringing out a recorder in front of a judge.  If they were that foolish you would be assured of having the wrong L.  BUT, recordings could be used "off the record" by your L to ward off a potentially negative advocating L on the other side outside of court.  The recorded info can also be transcribed into your journal.  So there are ways of using the recorded information wisely without breaking any kind of law.     

[Duck_Borders]

I started a google form to make notes of every interaction I have with mine.  They are nicely entered into a spreadsheet and time stamped.