Hi sasha925,
Your grandson is lucky to have a loving grandparent watching out for him. It's an awful feeling to watch their lives unravel, and the earlier you intervene, the better odds he has of avoiding the "at risk" category.
We often recommend the book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a BPD/NPD Spouse by Bill Eddy -- he's a former social worker who became a family law attorney, and his book is very helpful to those of us who have no experience with family court (or BPD, for that matter). Even though you're the grandparent, there are helpful insights.
We also have
lessons on this board with a lot of helpful information.
The most important thing you can do is document, document, document. You may want to also interview two or three lawyers and talk to them about strategy, specifically about grandparents' rights. Tell them your goal (custody of GS), and then listen to what their strategies are. You'll hear three relatively different approaches, and we can help you figure out which ones seem realistic in the context of having a BPD adult-child involved.
What are some of the behaviors you are most concerned with? Chances are, if you are seeing the impact on your GS, other adults are too. Do you have regular contact with GS? How is he doing at school?
Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. There is a lot of collective wisdom on these boards and we can walk alongside you as you try to help your GS.
LnL
