Looking of coping advice. My boyfriend's ex wife has BPD.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My live-in boyfriend's ex wife has BPD.  They share three children together (they have 50/50 split custody) so she will always be in our lives.  I need some help.  I don't even know what I need.  I have educated myself on the disorder and some ways to disengage.  I still feel so out of control and I still feel hurt from her emotional attacks on me and my boyfriend.  Things have gotten better since he started only allowing her to contact him via email.  But it is still draining.  One of their daughters exhibits very similar behaviors as his ex too.  I know she's too young to be diagnosed (she's only 9) but I am concerned about her... .and her behavior drains the entire family.  Any suggestions or references would be greatly appreciated.

sjb57

[sjb57]

My live-in boyfriend's ex wife has BPD.  They share three children together (they have 50/50 split custody) so she will always be in our lives.  I need some help.  I don't even know what I need.  I have educated myself on the disorder and some ways to disengage.  I still feel so out of control and I still feel hurt from her emotional attacks on me and my boyfriend.  Things have gotten better since he started only allowing her to contact him via email.  But it is still draining.  One of their daughters exhibits very similar behaviors as his ex too.  I know she's too young to be diagnosed (she's only 9) but I am concerned about her... .and her behavior drains the entire family.  Any suggestions or references would be greatly appreciated.

sjb57

[Turkish]

Hello sjb57,



Though it's good that your bf has placed some boundaries towards his exW, it sounds like she is still causing trouble. What kind of things are you specifically dealing with right now? Children of parents with BPD are certainly affected by the disordered parent. Even living half time in a healthy household can be a greater impact, however, than a 50% number. What kinds of things are going on with D9, and how old are the other kids?

The lessons to the right of this board are a good place to start, but we'd love to hear more about what exactly is draining you. 

Turkish