BPD and my children's drug abuse

[Calm Waters]

Hi, my previous thread reached its limit so I am following up this topic. Both of my sons, one is 28 today and the other is nearly 20 have fallen prey to recreational drug abuse that has either created or brought to the fore mental health problems manifesting in psychosis. Here in the UK high strength cannabis known as ' skunk' is rapidly causing a mental health crisis in young people. I believe both of my sons have strong BPD traits as it is clearly discernible in both sides of the family, whether this has been compounded by the drug abuse or whether the drug abuse is a form of self medication I am not sure. Either way its had a terrible toll on me and my family that is hard to comprehend. My older son nearly died a year or so ago from a suicide attempt and is still in the psychiatric unit.

I do not wish to repeat what I have already written in previous threads, I guess I am just searching for answers even though I have an extensive knowledge of BPD now. - Calm

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi calmwaters

Our BPDs is 25 and has a long drug abuse history. He uses weed to self medicate. There's no doubt in our minds that it has seriously affected his mental development during his formative years.

I've been told that when a drug users finally stops they find themselves almost at the age they were when they started the drug use. If true, this would explain a lot. Bpds has achieved two spells of being clean, 22 yrs 1 mth, 24 yrs 2 mths.

I think our BPDs had a general anxiety disorder, he was a difficult child to handle (his GP believes this to be the problem now). We firmly believe the affects of drug use has physically altered his brain.

I'm looking for answers too. I know there's marijuana induced schizophrenia. I've also recently read about research on memory and how shingles can affect the brain. This got me thinking about BPDs childhood illnesses as he had a lot (including impetigo, shingles, Bell's palsy).  I can see NOW he was physically not coping with anxiousness and his immunity was lowered.

I spent a very long time focussing on the drug use. Eventually I got myself help by going to families anonymous; this proved to be critical as I realised I had to change myself and reactions.

Now BPDs has been diagnosed (in the USA following a suicide attempt sept 15) we enter a different and new scenario. We are learning a new way of handling the situation. It's calm in the house, he has no money so isn't smoking every day. He is reacting positively for the first time ever. We've given him one boundary: work or benefits. We're waiting to see what happens next.

We hope he will finally decide to stop the weed. He turned up at 2am on Monday morning high. I know he'd been contacting his old dealers on Sunday. They'll give him credit. Bpds may go back but that would be his choice.

We wait for BPDs first uk referral appointment. Our hearts tell us that because we're in new territory, seen some improvement in BPDs behaviour and in limbo while we wait we should no nothing at the moment other than what we've been doing these last 5 weeks.

Do your sons live at home with you? Do they work? Are they contributing to your household? Are they in relationships

L

[Calm Waters]

HI sorry not to have followed up earlier, January is a difficult months with 2 family birthdays and now 2 memorials also.My Father has been very ill requiring my attention and both my sons are still ill but there has been some progress. They are both still under the early intervention in psychosis team and will be for some time, the older one has now moved from the psychiatric hospital to a recovery unit and the younger one has been working on a building site. Despite the progress their joint impact on mine and my wires lives continues to be very challenging to the extent that there is little time for fun or enjoyment - whatever that was, however we cope. I am still under Occupational Health at work due to concerns about my own ability to cope with this extreme situation; I am on daily high strength pain killers due to my accelerating arthritis and sleeping tablets due to the trauma of my sone attempting suicide in front of me lat year. I delay I would wish to stop working and concentrate on stabilising my family bit financially this is just not an option so I drag myself through each day hoping it will all get better, but deep don it feels like a life sentence

[wendydarling]

Hi Calm Waters, I'm glad your sons are progressing and I hope they want to keep clear of drugs. My daughter was self medicating with alcohol for years - and after 2 crisis's last year she acknowledged alcohol was a problem - not the solution. So far so good - 5 months in. I'm sorry it feels like a life sentence at the moment - are you able to plan some 'you time'? What would that be? WDx

[Calm Waters]

Hi Wendydarling, good to hear your daughter is staying the course, well, me time is  2days a week when i work from home and no one else is here, whilst I have to work, I can do that at my own pace, walk the dogs, cook lunch, do housework , meditate, listen to music and so on; however their are always various doctors to phone as both sons need constant attention and taxi ing to their various specialist appointments. I have a boat that I rarely get a chance to go to because of the constant demands on mine and my wife's time. So it is a little easier in some respects but we cant get away for any thing more than a night as things stand at the moment.

It's early days for the older one in the 'recovery unit' I am hoping they will be able to convince him to structure his days around personal hygiene, managing his bowel and bladder due to the injuries he suffered when he jumped, taking his medication, find some kind of work that suits him, gives him a potential for more independence to take the load of of us.

The younger one is still paranoid but managing to work, he isn't seeing his friends or going out - even to walk the dogs - just working and home slumped on the couch; when I was 20... .but I hadn't damaged my mind with 'skunk'.

family work supported by the GRIP - early intervention in psychosis, team should start soon, if we can fit it in around the older one being 50 minute drive away, younger at work all day and my wife and I both working - I guess we will figure a way... .I just take each day as it comes.

[Calm Waters]

Lollypop - sorry just re read your post, your experience seems very similar to mine. Luckily the younger one decided himself 3 months ago to give up weed and stop dealing, 2 years of constant abuse has left definate damage to his mind that I hope will dissipate over time. Th older one promised us he was clean a fe years ago, but we recently found out that the days leading up to his suicide attempt he had gone on a binge with amphetamines and god knows what else, this is massive for me as I was there when he jumped and tried my best to save him, I probably saved his life but the fall left him permanently damaged physically on top of what he was struggling with emotionally. So I feel betrayed that he lied about the drugs, had I known he was so ' high' I may have taken a different course of action that day. I oscilate between extreme anger to regret and remorse to compassion despair and back to anger again most days; but I cant fix him, or the other I just have to keep plodding on watching my life as it now is drift by and try and accept that this is how it is. It seems you have come to that place Lollypop, i wish you and yours the best of luck, Calm

[Lollypop]

Hi calmwaters

Yes it's very hard to watch. We've seen an overall improvement and a big reduction in weed. Not sure how long this will last now he's got money in his pocket.

We took a hard line with drugs from the beginning and I've no regrets. Bpds still will say it would have been so much more relaxed in the house if we'd allowed him to smoke at home. actually this is the one boundary we secured and his downward spiral has been witnessed by our younger son and (up to now) is making the right choices. ive a 10 yr gap and protecting our younger son has been my biggest challenge of all. At one point BPDs moved out because we couldn't tolerate it any more.

we accept BPDs will most probably always smoke weed IF he has the money to do so.

Currently we're on a make or break situation. He lives here rent free and we are holding our breath while he appears to be saving... .to leave... .hooray! Bpds sorted out a bank account. I can't tell you what a massive step this is. He's learning slowly.

I've found my life completely altered once I started to put myself first. I've found joy and happiness for myself and learnt an important lesson that we can live a happy life despite family problems. its never, ever too late to start living a life that we want for ourselves

Blessings to you