Separated from BPD Wife and strugging

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello - I am recently separated from my BPD wife and am going through quite a storm.  In a nutshell, she threw me out of the house (threw all my belongings onto the driveway), cut off all contact from my side with her and my children (blocked my phone from calling / texting, blocked me from all of their social media). I feared that if I went back to the house to talk or to try and see the children, she would call the police and file an order of restraint against me so I stayed away.  I have moved into an apartment and am trying not to engage her at all but per the advice of my lawyer, I've kept my email open to her as a means of communication.  She torments me via email all day / night on most days and I am having a very hard time managing.  I could not read the emails but she always includes a question regarding finances that I need to see as I do not want to appear to be unresponsive to those types of questions when we go to court.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[merricose]

Hello - I am recently separated from my BPD wife and am going through quite a storm.  In a nutshell, she threw me out of the house (threw all my belongings onto the driveway), cut off all contact from my side with her and my children (blocked my phone from calling / texting, blocked me from all of their social media). I feared that if I went back to the house to talk or to try and see the children, she would call the police and file an order of restraint against me so I stayed away.  I have moved into an apartment and am trying not to engage her at all but per the advice of my lawyer, I've kept my email open to her as a means of communication.  She torments me via email all day / night on most days and I am having a very hard time managing.  I could not read the emails but she always includes a question regarding finances that I need to see as I do not want to appear to be unresponsive to those types of questions when we go to court.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Itstopsnow]

I'm so sorry you're going through this! You are doing the right thing. Don't engage! She wants to start a fight! They thrive on chaos and disorder . Listen to your lawyer. Maybe he can set something up so you can visit your children or collect more belonging. I feel very bad for you! Hang in there my friend . You're not alone!

[once removed]

hey merricose and

im so sorry to hear about what youre going through. it must be especially hard to be separated from your children right now. im glad you found us, we have members in similar situations, and you are not alone.

im far from a legal expert, and you may want to check out our legal board, you can find it here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0

one piece of advice i can give you is to document (save) all of her emails. sorry to hear that youre getting lambasted in the process. how do you normally respond to these emails? in this situation, it can help to use a communication technique called "BIFF" (brief, informative, friendly, firm), with the goal of communication being strictly business, and not engaging in the stuff shes throwing at you. i dont know your situation exactly, and i can see where it may not help at all.

can you share a bit more of your story with us or with the legal board? it will help give members a better idea of how we can support you in all of this.

[merricose]

Thank you for your replies!  I appreciate you taking the time.  I am not responding to anything but the topics that relate directly to finances.  I received over 60 emails from her yesterday.  Just overwhelming.

[Skip]

What is she mad about?  Do you want to heal this? Ready to go? Not sure?