UK parents

[APR]

Hello. I notice that most people on here seem to be from the U.S.A. Clearly personality disorders are not nationally aware but posts from the U.S. don't always click for a Limey (and Londoner) like me. Just wondered who else was from the UK on here. I truly believe my still living at home 28 year old son suffers from one or two PDs (after years of research on my part) but is undiagnosed and probably never will be if things continue like this. To save myself from a lifetime of mental and physical abuse and all the associated physical and mental stresses I suffer from, I am seriously considering leaving home/my husband... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello APR and welcome

I live in London. I'm new to posting on the site but have accessed the wonderful resources for six months.

My daughter is 27 years old and was finally diagnosed last July following a hospital admission, yes that is what it took for the medical system to recognise her after 14 years of symptoms.  That said, we are in a very good place for now.

I'm sorry your are having such a hard time. Does your son visit his GP? Just wondering what's the easiest route for a diagnosis, that may take the strain off you and also your son. Small steps.

WDx

[donnab]

I'm from the UK I live in Kent. My dd had been diagnosed but despite the diagnosis she has not entered into any therapy or taken any medication for longer than a week or 2. She's an absolute nightmare. We have custody of her 2 1/2 year old dd. I believe her illness stayed around 12 and she has just turned 22. Is been a rough journey. I'd recommend reading codependent no more and also stop caretaking your BPD/narcistic pd loved one. They are helping recover as well as doing EMDR therapy which I am getting on the nhs through the iapt service.

We also said when my dd was almost 19 that she couldn't live with us any longer. It has been easier since she hadn't lived with us but it's all hard and I have realised one more that I have become codependent. I'm working on regaining my life and emotional strength. I've come to the realisation that in order to be healthy in myself I need to focus on my own life and distance myself from her a bit. What struck me when reading the codependent book is the overall message is detach with love but I'd you can't do that then just detach. Which is where I am right now

[APR]

Hi donnab. I believe there is codependence between me and my son. I am now trying to stay strong and resolute. The evening after an evening when he shoved me and dented the freezer with his fist, me and OH sat him down and gave him two choices. Stay at home but get help or move out. As soon as I realised he wasn't going to get help and had started manipulating things saying we need help etc I left the room. Same old ___! OH has agreed a move out in 6 months once he has saved a deposit for a place. Not sure if OH is going to continue looking after his wages and take out a monthly contribution but as son wastes money, smokes weed, gambles etc and is overdrawn - won't hold my breath  

[esmaine]

Hi APR I am the mother of a BPD daughte aged 21 who and I live in Cheshire UK, so sorry to hear of your troubles and can totally sympathise,

We are living our own nightmare too, it feels like your life is a permanent rollercoaster.

I hope you can find some help on this site, just knowing there are other people who can relate to what you are going through really helps.

[Lollypop]

Hi Apr

I've got a 24 year old Bpds.

He was always a difficult child, first notuceable signs were about 15 but actually he started experimenting with drugs about 12. We kicked him out May 15 and he went to California and had a crisis in sept 15 and he got diagnosed. He returned home to the uk in Dec. We have radically changed our approach and seeing some improvements. We went to A&E 10 days ago to say he was suicidal, not on anti depressants and a diagnosis and they referred him. His GP refused; this is because the gp sees me as a soft parent (I believe), feels it's time for tough love (which is correct) and feels BPDs problems are anxiety (not BPD).

We've had a tough time for the past 10 years as I know everybody else on this forum has. We're trying very hard to detach both emotionally and financially.  There's been many times I wanted to pack my bags and run, I know my husband has felt the same. It's all a process to learn how to let go and live your own lives. Read the information in here and post to ask questions etc. In the same way that they need therapy to understand their condition, we also need information to understand our own role.

Good luck, you're not in your own

L

L