New Here-Sad and Anxious

[AnotherWon]

 

I've been lurking for the last couple of weeks since it finally dawned on me that our 20 year old son has been demonstrating BPD traits.  It's a relief and scary, too.  It's been a long road, but I'm hoping that through the great information and personal stories I've found here, we might be able to get him the help he needs.

I'm sure it's a familiar story:  tough puberty filled with defiance and blame.  2 years at a military high school.  The next 2 years at home pretty depressed and isolated.  Happily he has been open to counseling, but somehow things were missed or disguised.  His binge drinking led to rehab that he was asked to leave after family week .  He's been on the opposite coast the last year doing ok, sober living, a job, etc.  Came home for shoulder surgery over the holidays when his girlfriend dumped him long-distance, thus the ensuing spiral that tipped me off.  We may have found a good therapist familiar with DBT, so there is reason to hope.

Just wanted to say hello and thank you for sharing and helping!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[marie1057]

I am sorry to hear about your son. This is a tough illness for parents to deal with. My son starting showing signs in high school. He is now 24 and still living at home. He is very difficult to be around most of the time. He argues over everything I say and prefers his father over me. He isolates himself and rarely sees any friends. He drinks and smokes pot to self medicate. He refuses counselling and medication. I became hopeless the past year even though I put myself into counselling. Lately I have been practicing mindfulness and learning dbt skills to help myself deal and I validate him as much as possible. I hope your son starts dbt and I wish you comfort and peace.

[Moselle]

Welcome AnotherWon

It sounds like you are making good progress with your son.

You've come to the right place. I have a daughter who demonstrates the traits as well. It's very hard for me to accept.

DBT is a powerful tool. So glad you've found  a good practitioner.

[AnotherWon]

Thanks so much for your replies, Marie and Moselle!  Knowing there are parents experiencing the same really helps me feel less isolated.  I knew it would be tough having him home again.  But now that it's open-ended the stress is starting to take its hold, unfortunately.  I may consider going into therapy so my poor husband won't have to take the brunt of it.  And I appreciate you both mentioning DBT.  We spoke with his new therapist yesterday and he's going to mention it to him as they have a group for young adults.  Don't know all the specifics about it, but I think it might just be the thing. He had other good ideas as well (we met without our son), so at least there are some options for all of us.

Thanks again for your responses.  It means a lot.