so down

[jaynebrain]

Hello friends,

I have not posted for a while - there has been a general trend of things looking better.  My diagnosed BPD D22 has been in therapy for the best part of 5 years at a great cost to us.  We are kept at bay and hear from her that she no longer fits the criteria for BPD - due to trauma she has developed complex PTSD.  This past year she has gone from one crisis to another and I feel again like she is taking me with her.  She completely ruined our family Christmas, my husband and I were left in shock and horror to spend Christmas Day completely alone. Of course, it was our fault because we don't understand her trauma.  We have trained as NAMI F2F teachers, taken classes, read, discussed, researched and so much more -  and today she released a spew of venom directed to me, my husband and the universe that just made me feel completely done. I have gained about 50 pounds in weight as I have not dealt will my own feelings (no time) about all of this.  Back problems, cant concentrate at work (she calls every other day).  I was really good at setting boundaries for a while but I feel like I have slipped back into old ways.  I am so tired and I am afraid that my life will always look this way.  She is such a burden and a heavy load to carry.   Forgive me for complaining but I know there will be someone who will understand.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eyeamme]

Jaynebrain,

You are not alone. Lots of us know what you mean. The frustration is they can't receive the love through their own pain. Take some time for yourself. My daughter is 34 and the ups and downs and being blamed for everything is familiar to me. It was my normal.

What are you doing for yourself? You need to take care of you.

[Cranberry]

Hello. I was afraid I was wrong about what I thought my son has, but after reading your post, I see that I am probably not. I am new to this group and don't have much to offer you except to say thank you for posting your worries and your fears as well as your inability for the moment to hold to your boundaries. You have made me feel much less alone. I know you are "so down" because I am sitting here feeling the same way, struggling with the same issues. Nothing I can recommend (other than therapy - I have my first session in a few days and hope it helps me) but I can tell you that I appreciate you, that I hope you find some peace, and that you are safe. May we all find peace in our lives. *sigh* Sorry, not much help, am I?

[lbjnltx]

Hi again JayneBrain

So sorry that you are feeling so down and spent. 

It's ok to feel our feelings and just sit with them for a bit.  When you are ready, you know what you can do and what skills you have to do it.  You are strong and knowledgeable!



lbj