The four day weekend update

[Scopikaz]

First I do appreciate everyone's insights. And it's stuff I've read before for sure. I think that what I mean by relationship is us living under same roof again. Trying to be committed to eachother.  Dating.  Not just getting together when it's convenient for her.  Not just for sex and a good time on occasion. I don't want her body only. I want all of her.  Warts and all. I don't know that we will ever get back to that point. And she's clearly not wanting that.  So I don't know. I don't want to have part of her. 

I am willing to work with her. Love her. Accept her as Is if she's trying to work on us or staying. But I don't want her part time. 

very soon I'll be making the choice to finally once and for all go no contact.

[once removed]

lets try to keep it respectful toward each other and to the original poster please.

2.2 Advising and Supporting Others: Members should offer advice as peer opinions targeted directly to the host of the thread. Members shall offer only compassionate, well founded and fact based advice. Members critiquing, or challenging the advise of others should offer their comments in a respectful, positive and constructive manner. Members should respect and embrace the opinions of others, not deride them, and recognize diversity is an important part of the learning process.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/terms-service#advising

2.4 Divisive Exchanges: All members should feel safe in their expressions; we are all here to heal from abuse. Please keep in mind that the membership is comprised of diverse experiences and backgrounds; this is a great strength of our community. Forum is healthy when conducted in a respectful, and tolerant manner. Under no circumstances shall members be permitted to engage in divisive or abusive exchanges or be judgmental of other members.

If you have an offensive comment directed toward you, do not engage it. If a you find the subject matter or a response to be triggering, do not engage it. Step away from your computer. If, upon reflection, you feel that there is a problem that needs to be addressed, please contact a moderator. The staff will investigate with an impartial eye. There is a button for this purpose at the bottom right corner of every post titled "report to moderator."

https://bpdfamily.com/content/terms-service#divisive

[Infern0]

First I do appreciate everyone's insights. And it's stuff I've read before for sure. I think that what I mean by relationship is us living under same roof again. Trying to be committed to eachother.  Dating.  Not just getting together when it's convenient for her.  Not just for sex and a good time on occasion. I don't want her body only. I want all of her.  Warts and all. I don't know that we will ever get back to that point. And she's clearly not wanting that.  So I don't know. I don't want to have part of her. 

I am willing to work with her. Love her. Accept her as Is if she's trying to work on us or staying. But I don't want her part time. 

very soon I'll be making the choice to finally once and for all go no contact.

Its not normal for a relationship (even if you are reattempting a failed relationship) to go from 0-100

There's a courting phase which is normal and healthy, I think you are losing sight of that.

You are in a good spot as she's still reaching out to you and still must have some feelings for you, but there's probably some bad memories in there too so that creates the distance you are experiencencing.

Patience may be a virtue

[Rmbrworst]

Scopikaz

My concern is that she is probably just using you.  She's "orbiting".  You'll be there when she wants and it's all on her terms. 

It doesn't seem healthy from that outside looking in. 

I want you to be happy and make good decisions.  I know all too well how hard it is. It's almost impossible to think of letting go of our BPD.

From what you've said I feel like you aren't setting healthy boundaries.  It sounds like she gets whatever she wants and you just take the scraps as they come by. 

You will make your own decisions.  I do not judge you.  Part of me feels I would take my exBPD back, but that's why I have taken steps to end all contact and move on, because I need time away to regain a healthy point of view about what has gone on.

I feel complete separation would still be healthy for you.  I feel like you aren't making the best choices for your health and well being, but it's all up to you.  I truly wish you the best no matter what you do.

If you ever need us, we are here

[JaneStorm]

Scopikaz: do some checklists; only you can decide:

www.theeternalvictim.com/why-the-eternal-victim/

www.theeternalvictim.com/8-ways-to-protect-yourself-from-emotional-manipulation/