Idealizing her new boyfriend

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So, my BPD friend is heavy into the idealization stage with her new boyfriend, and I'm starting to see how annoying it is, now that I'm on the other side of it.  

I can only imagine how her other friends felt last year, when she was idealizing me and her ex-boyfriend at the same time.  I guess I didn't realize how bad it was because she literally was idealizing us at the same time.  So, she didn't ignore my texts or avoid talking to me.  Now that full idealization of me is over and done with, never to return again (there are glimpses here and there, but they are fleeting), I really notice how obsessed she becomes with a new boyfriend.  

She ate lunch with her dad the other day, and all she talked about was this new guy.  She rarely sees her dad, and that's what she chose to talk about.  I should add that she had painted her dad pitch black last May and that he is now white, while her mom is black.  

If she is with a new boyfriend, she will completely ignore texts, even ones that require a reply.  Other people just don't matter.  And she wonders why she doesn't have friends!  

I also notice her desire to have all attention on her.  She definitely has some narcissistic traits.  Prior to meeting this new guy, she was sending me all sorts of pictures of herself and was texting me all the time, including when she was at work.  On one picture, she added, "Come kidnap me from work!"  A few days later, she went out on a date with him, and she hasn't sent me any pictures since and has barely communicated with me at all.  So, on Friday, I said to myself, "Fine.  I'm not even going to try to talk to her when she's in the idealization stage.  It's a lost cause."  I didn't text her all weekend or on Monday.  And, like clockwork, yesterday, at 3:45 in the morning, she texted me.  I sent her a picture of me out in the snow, and she replied, "You're so cute."  I should add that there were romantic feelings between us last year and that we have had sex, but that I haven't acknowledged any of her attempts to flirt with me since she discarded me for the first time and I learned about BPD.  

But I refuse, absolutely refuse, to be pulled into some drama triangle with this guy or to acknowledge any attempts at flirting with me.  My 2016 won't be the same as my 2015.

I'm staying out of this mess and not engaging much with her until she breaks up with him.  And at the rate she's going, that will be in a few weeks.  

[SummerStorm]

So, my BPD friend is heavy into the idealization stage with her new boyfriend, and I'm starting to see how annoying it is, now that I'm on the other side of it.  

I can only imagine how her other friends felt last year, when she was idealizing me and her ex-boyfriend at the same time.  I guess I didn't realize how bad it was because she literally was idealizing us at the same time.  So, she didn't ignore my texts or avoid talking to me.  Now that full idealization of me is over and done with, never to return again (there are glimpses here and there, but they are fleeting), I really notice how obsessed she becomes with a new boyfriend.  

She ate lunch with her dad the other day, and all she talked about was this new guy.  She rarely sees her dad, and that's what she chose to talk about.  I should add that she had painted her dad pitch black last May and that he is now white, while her mom is black.  

If she is with a new boyfriend, she will completely ignore texts, even ones that require a reply.  Other people just don't matter.  And she wonders why she doesn't have friends!  

I also notice her desire to have all attention on her.  She definitely has some narcissistic traits.  Prior to meeting this new guy, she was sending me all sorts of pictures of herself and was texting me all the time, including when she was at work.  On one picture, she added, "Come kidnap me from work!"  A few days later, she went out on a date with him, and she hasn't sent me any pictures since and has barely communicated with me at all.  So, on Friday, I said to myself, "Fine.  I'm not even going to try to talk to her when she's in the idealization stage.  It's a lost cause."  I didn't text her all weekend or on Monday.  And, like clockwork, yesterday, at 3:45 in the morning, she texted me.  I sent her a picture of me out in the snow, and she replied, "You're so cute."  I should add that there were romantic feelings between us last year and that we have had sex, but that I haven't acknowledged any of her attempts to flirt with me since she discarded me for the first time and I learned about BPD.  

But I refuse, absolutely refuse, to be pulled into some drama triangle with this guy or to acknowledge any attempts at flirting with me.  My 2016 won't be the same as my 2015.

I'm staying out of this mess and not engaging much with her until she breaks up with him.  And at the rate she's going, that will be in a few weeks.  

[Beach_Babe]

It sounds like you are handling things better. That's great!

Is it possible she really does want you, but is unable to admit she is gay? That is the impression I get. She pulls you, a girl of high caliber, in then runs the other way with some male loser. Rinse, recycle, repeat. What do you think? 

[SummerStorm]

It sounds like you are handling things better. That's great!

Is it possible she really does want you, but is unable to admit she is gay? That is the impression I get. She pulls you, a girl of high caliber, in then runs the other way with some male loser. Rinse, recycle, repeat. What do you think? 

She's openly bisexual but has dated only one girl and dozens of guys. 

I think a lot of it is that she hadn't seen this new guy for a few days and her abandonment fears kicked in.  If she can't find a way to be with the person 24/7, she will start to stray.

Her most recent Snapchat pic was of him sleeping.  Meanwhile, she still hasn't viewed my most recent story at all.  All of the past ones she looked at within minutes.  It makes me think she also didn't read the text I sent her.  She doesn't just read and ignore; she doesn't read at all.

I don't want to date her anyway, but that may be what she is doing.  She told me multiple times that I'm too good for her and told her ex the same thing.   So, maybe she's dating losers because she doesn't think they are better than her.