Hello

[Rockieplace]

I'm the mum of an adult daughter who has been diagnosed with BPD and who has been in crisis for the past 8 months.  She accepts her diagnosis but has not received any therapies so far.  It appears to be a vicious circle.  The crisis team tell her that she needs a level of stability to receive the therapies but can't achieve the stability required without some strategies etc etc... .  

She has been admitted several times in this period and sectioned after serious self-harming and overdosing but is always released very quickly afterwards just for the whole process to start again.  We (her dad and I) are struggling to know what to do.  She was addicted to codeine but has managed to wean herself off that with the help of Subutex.  She took Quitiapine which seemed to make her worse and has been better since being taken off that about a month ago.  We just would like some hope and suggestions about how to proceed.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi Rockieplace,

Welcome to the Parenting board!

So sorry to learn that your daughter is suffering so, it hurts our hearts to watch our kids in pain and struggling while we feel helpless to fix them.  :'(


What kind of behaviors are you dealing with that lead up to her self harm and suicidal thinking?  It's frustrating that the dr's say go get better so we can help you... .that's just nuts in itself.  There are communication skills that can sometimes help our kids calm down.  Learning them and using them will help you too as well as the relationship you have with your d.

Does your d live with you in the home?  Does she take any antidepressants or anxiety meds that help since she stopped the addiction?

I look forward to hearing back from you and helping where I can.



lbj

[Rockieplace]

Thank you lbj.  No she doesn't live with us.  She lives alone.  She is in her mid thirties.  She takes anti-depressants, diazepam and sleeping tablets as well as the Subutex.  She has, we have now learnt, been inclined to take lots of tablets, both prescribed and others and this has been her way of 'dealing' with problems.  She is, according to her crisis team supervisor 'complex' and I think that could quite accurately sum up her behaviour! She has had problems since about the age of 18 when she left for university but, due to the fact that she is very intelligent she has managed, just about, to avoid serious problems until last year. A few very bad things happened in our family, some caused by my daughter and some not, and this precipitated the crisis which has lead her to her current situation.  She is now in a very difficult position, without employment, (she was a qualified mental health professional), and still behaving very impulsively in terms of spending and other things.  I am pleased to have found these forums though.  I have found these types of forums (not for BPD) very helpful in the past with problems.  

[wendydarling]

Hello Rockieplace and welcome to the family.

Your journey sounds similar to mine. My 27 year old daughter, successful education, working just, though lives at home. She is also seeking treatment and how you describe the 'unhealthy health circle' I think you may live in the UK?

WDx

[lbjnltx]

Thanks for the info rockieplace,

What is your relationship like with your d?  Does she communicate her thoughts and feelings to you?

One of the first skills I learned about here was validation.  Before I was able to put it into practice I had to first set some boundaries regarding personal verbal abuse to protect myself emotionally.  It was very empowering for me because I finally felt like I had some control over my  life again.  Once I created this safe place for myself I was able to improve my validating communication with my daughter.  Just having some skills and a safe space was such a turn around for me after feeling so helpless and afraid for my daughter as nothing up to that point seemed to help.

We were both riding her emotional rollercoaster and I wanted off!

Does your daughter emotionally/verbally abuse you in your communication?

lbj

[Rockieplace]

Firstly, yes, I am in the UK and very thankful for being so as, when I read about some of the financial implications of mental health issues in the US, I say, 'thank you, thank you, thank you' for the NHS.

lbj:  My relationship with my daughter could also be described as complex!  I have found her pretty hostile towards me in the past and very divisive in her behaviour to my husband/her dad - who I have to say was always very gullible.  However, since the crisis last year, I have oscillated between saint and villain but mostly saint.  I don't know which feels more uncomfortable to be honest!  I also don't always trust her to be honest with either myself of herself in her account of events, although to be fair, recently she has shown more insight and a little more control over her emotions.  It has been a real rollercoaster though as you say.  We have been living in dread for most of the last few months and haven't known how to deal with it.  It has been horrible. I want to insert an emoticon in here but can't find one to fit but this one might be the nearest! :'( :'( :'(   Another thing I would like to say is that, now, looking back, her diagnosis does make a little more sense of some of her behaviour and actions in the past. 

[Rockieplace]

Post Script lbj - I would like to know more about what you mean by 'validation'.  Thanks in advance.