Can they fix the Inner Child?

[believer55]

My uBPDh has decided to attend session with a healer/counsellor to help him addres his inner child and his issues with abandonment and rejection. He has "tried" a counsellor and psychologist before but these had limited success. Although I was quite impressed with his reaction to his first 2 visits and the effect they had on him - but as usual now he has completed 2 sessions he has no new appointments booked. I am at the end of my rope and ready for an emotional breakdown and on the weekend he had a big meltdown calling me all sorts of names, trapping me in the bedroom until my 14 dau had to knock and the door to ask him to let me out.

Does anyone know if this therapy has good results - do I challenge him to keep it up? My depression and anxiety is now at a stage I can hardly look at him but he wants things to "go back to normal" and for me to stop "Shutting him out". Its all about him and how he feels. Is there any hope?

[MapleBob]

It is possible, but he needs to continue his sessions and commit to the work. And you probably need to have some stronger boundaries with him if you're allowing these sort of situations to occur in your home.

[Lucky Jim]

hey believer, As you related, those w/BPD will often drop out of therapy after a few visits.  My BPDxW was constantly "doctor shopping" for new therapists, because inevitably her therapist said something that she didn't want to hear, like taking responsibility for her actions.  So maybe change is possible if someone commits to it, as MapleBob notes, but your H has a track record of dropping out of treatment, so I think you should remain skeptical until you see ACTUAL progress, not just talk about future healing that hasn't happened yet.

LuckyJim

[byfaith]

Hi Believer,

I could have written your post exactly... .except being trapped in the bedroom. The case with my wife is the same. Goes to 2 or 3 visits and then quits. I am feeling the same way with my wife. I really have a hard time wanting to be around her. This may sound strange I love her but there is an emptiness that I feel when I am around her. I am going to discuss with her tonight about continuing individual therapy and also together going to MC. If she says no then I have to make a decision on what to do from there. I told her the other day that it's either I let her know how I feel and take what comes from her whether she hates me or not or live with the feeling of keeping everything to myself and feeling horrible, depressed etc. I am tired of feeling like crap so now I am becoming more important to myself than I have been.

Wish you the best... .for me it's been a long road realizing what is ahead if I don't begin changing.

BF

[LonelyChild]

It is possible, but he needs to continue his sessions and commit to the work. And you probably need to have some stronger boundaries with him if you're allowing these sort of situations to occur in your home.

What does "is possible" mean? That one person in the whole world did it?

No, the pwBPD are not going to change much for the better. It's about acceptance and coping. Everyone is free to make a choice - that includes putting up with a BPD partner. But the pwBPD is not going to become normal. Ever. This does not mean that you can't stay in a relationship with them or still love them. But don't expect that they will turn normal one day. Accept that they are who they are.

[believer55]

Thank you everyone. I inow the BPD won't be fixed but I am hoping he will get better at working with his extreme feelings that stem from his abandonment issues, He has made some positive changes but then feels that everything is now ok except he has only just started his journey into healing. It is a very lonely place sometimes... .I know you have all experienced this too. I am not sure what the future holds , like you BF, I just see more hurt when I look at him now which I know is not fair on him either. I'm tired of living in fear and of the bloody egg shells!