torn

[middleman]

my gay BPDs16 uses sex/porn as a release.  He is becoming very sa at this point.  I recently installed security cameras to avoid unwanted guests during the night while i am asleep. Yes, he was letting boys in while i sleep.  I don't know what to do at this point.  This activity just seems dangerous to me.  I'm pretty sure he isn't practicing safe sex either.  Dad has checked out of the parenting division and left all responsibility to me.  Please help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

I'm so sorry to read this, it is heartbreaking for us parents when our kids don't have any boundaries and look for their self worth through sexual partners.  :'(

I don't have any advice to offer to you I'm afraid.  When my d began to make dangerous choices and I couldn't protect her from herself I sent her to long term residential treatment.  In this world, we can't keep them safe.

lbj

[Noteliz]

Is he in any type of therapy? It sounds like self-destructive behavior, just as bad as cutting or drug abuse.

[middleman]

he is in dbt therapy and we did address this subject this week.  Im not sure, but i think he was at least listening.    Does anyone think this is dangerous enough to have a hospital visit? 

[lbjnltx]

A hospital stay wouldn't be of benefit I don't believe.

Hospitals are for stabilization.  It will take long term care for your son to begin to make changes that protect him... .like boundaries, healthy coping skills, correcting thinking errors and changes in his belief system.

lbj

[middleman]

Thanks Ibjl  I didn't think so either.  I can only do so much.  He needs to practice his newly learned coping skills.

[lbjnltx]

Convincing a teenager that they are putting themselves in danger is like trying to nail jello to a wall.

For my d, learning to set boundaries for herself was one of the most valuable skills/lessons she learned.  It took 10 months of RTC and many 3rd party examples for her to "see" the need for it.  Since then, she has very strong boundaries and defends them to the inth degree.  Even when she doesn't use her other skills... .those boundaries are still set and strongly defended.

lbj

[meantcorn34]

My BPDs 23 is transgender and I have dealt with similar situations. It's so difficult. Fortunately,  we live near a large city where there is a community mental health center specifically for lgbt population.  There is also a lgbt rec center. I did what I could to get him involved in the community and learn more about it myself.  We volunteered together for an lgbt advocacy organization.

Safer sex is a big topic at every lgbt activity my son or I have been to. Of course, he goes by himself now, but brings home tons of condoms  (kinky types in my eyes but safe), different lubricants,  etc.  He and I have an agreement about testing for std 's. He knows my feelings on the subject of safer sex, and, from what he tells me, he's doing better with it - although he still thinks he's invincible.

Does your son date? Does he have age typical opportunities to socialize with other gay boys?

Having an adult gay man at the community center talk to my son about sexuality, relationships,  and safety was the best thing that happened to him.

The mental health center in the small town where I live has recently started a group for lgbt adults because therapists were advocating for their clients. You never know what's out there or resources that may be tapped.

From my involvement with social worker at the lgbt center, the imperative for practicing safer sex is a major emphasis of interactions with clients and in the lgbt community at large. Gay Pride events, outfest, etc are fun and so helpful.

I think you may need an additional source of help rather than the mental health care your son currently receives.  If you dont know of resources, you might try PFLAG for help. As far as night time visitors, a burgular alarm was a useful deterrent.  Just don't give your son the passcode.

If there is anything I can do to help look for resources just let me know. Hang in there.