BPD and respect

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have never posted on this board before but on some of the other boards on this forum.  My uBPD H is an alcoholic and totally denies it.  Needless to say he's extremely hard to live with. We just had guests for a week and for some reason he is worse acting when others are around. He has no respect for helping to keep the house clean and when guest are here, he'll use them as his excuse to make messes. This drives me crazy. He'll also then speak rudely to me in front of our guest if I say anything about it.  We don't spend money on a maid for house cleaning so I suppose I'm his free maid and he feels no respect for my efforts. If I suggest a maid and we both pay, he'll say that it doesn't bother him to have a dirty house. Typical BPD behavior and then he drinks on top of that. I'm thinking the only solution may be to refuse guests next time if he is going to act like that. Anyone have any other ideas? I have wanted to divorce him many times but I cannot stand the thought of giving him half my retirement so he can support a liquor store near him.

[mom2bpd]

I have never posted on this board before but on some of the other boards on this forum.  My uBPD H is an alcoholic and totally denies it.  Needless to say he's extremely hard to live with. We just had guests for a week and for some reason he is worse acting when others are around. He has no respect for helping to keep the house clean and when guest are here, he'll use them as his excuse to make messes. This drives me crazy. He'll also then speak rudely to me in front of our guest if I say anything about it.  We don't spend money on a maid for house cleaning so I suppose I'm his free maid and he feels no respect for my efforts. If I suggest a maid and we both pay, he'll say that it doesn't bother him to have a dirty house. Typical BPD behavior and then he drinks on top of that. I'm thinking the only solution may be to refuse guests next time if he is going to act like that. Anyone have any other ideas? I have wanted to divorce him many times but I cannot stand the thought of giving him half my retirement so he can support a liquor store near him.

[unicorn2014]

That sounds very complex. The first thing I would recommend would be try 6 al-anon meetings. The second thing would be a consult with a family law attorney. Alcoholism is a progressive illness that never gets better only worse. It is said to be the only disease that is self diagnosed and that tells you you don't have a disease. Al-anon teaches you have to have a happy life whether or not the alcoholic is still drinking. I'm actually going to work my steps again but this time around my daughters drug use. The first time was around my ex husbands drinking and drugging.

[mom2bpd]

Thanks, unicorn, for the al-anon reminder. I have attended al-anon for 8 years but on and off for about the last 8 months. I can't seem to find a good time and location to meet my schedule since I changed job locations. I think I'll go back to my old meeting on the weekend. Al-anon has definitely helped me stay sane but not sure it can make me want to stay.

[unicorn2014]

I decided to divorce as a result of al-anon, I'm not encouraging you to stay, I'm encouraging you to take care  of yourself.