My Son who is 35 may have BPD

[Latte]

My Son who is 35 years old I think is experiencing BPD but has never been diagnosis with it & I know he won't go for help because he thinks we our the problem. He is also a Alcoholic. He is a adopted so don't know much about his History. He was out of our lives for 3 years & just a couple of months ago came back into our lives only to hurt us again. Texting us & saying things about the past we did to him which our not true. We did not text back because that is what he wants is to argue with you. As a Mother I was very hurt by this it is like he took a knife & twisted into my Heart. Everything was going so good between us & then out of the blue sends us a nasty & hurtful text. I don't know what to do because I know he doesn't want to hear from us.   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Latte]

I am not sure if my Son has BPD because has never been tested but has the signs. He was diagnosis with ADHD back in High School but didn't take the Drug to help him because he said it didn't help. He began drinking in HS & turned into a Alcoholic & that is a fact because one of his Jobs sent him to get Detox & go to AA he did that for awhile but gave it up. He is adopted. Holds so much anger & resentments towards us & continues to argue with us & to him he is always right. He took himself out of our lives 3 years & about a month ago brought his self back into our lives only to hurt us again. I can't keep this from happening & I don't know what to do or how to handle it. I don't know if you have any suggestions for us. He doesn't want us in his life & I don't know how to deal with that.   

[lbjnltx]

Hello Latte,

Welcome to the Parenting Board dear. 

You will read many stories similar to yours here on the Parenting Board.  Our adult children coming and going based on misperceived slights, low self image, their interpretation of events experienced as abusive, etc... .

I've been here since '09 and it is a rarity that our kids never come back to us... .even if it is short lived.  The best advice I can give you is to learn to communicate in a more helpful way with him and set some boundaries to protect  yourselves. Educating ourselves on the disorder and how it manifests in our unique children is important... .it helps us personalize less of their abusive words and actions.  Setting boundaries can help keep us in relationship with our children because it gives us a safe place to learn, reconnect with our empathy towards our kids, and teaches them how to treat us. Learning affective communication skills improves our relationship, empowers us positively, and often times helps our kids.

The Lessons and Tools on the right side of the page contain a great deal of information that anyone of us on this board will be willing to discuss, answer questions about or help you work through.

You found the right place for help.

lbj