getting drawn into her delusions

[esmaine]

hi all, its been a while since I posted, alot has happened all mostly bad, the latest was another overdose attempt a wek ago, though if there was to be an upside to this its that my dd is finally in a psychiatric hospital and hopefully about to get the helps she needs.

She has been swinging from manic delusional thoughts to quite calm and easy to talk to within the space of a couple of hours.

her delusions are disturbing and very upsetting to hear about, but I cannot help getting drawn in as shes so convincing

does anyone else have experiance of this and how do you cope, I feel like Im going under, my heart bleeds for her because she seems trapped in hell,  :'(

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi esmaine

I am very sorry that this is going on with your daughter. It is very sad she tried to overdose again. Like you said, the 'positive' thing is that at least she's in a psychiatric hospital and hopefully will indeed get the help she needs now.

Did anything happen last week that perhaps triggered her? You also say that the overdose was the latest but before that also other bad things happened. Could you tell us a bit more about the things that have happened since you last posted?

Take care

[esmaine]

Thankyoui for your reply Kwamina, My dd lives in a hostel about 30 minuites away from us, the bad things were erratic behaviour and thoughts.

Drug abuse, being arrested at her ex bf flat for having what she calls a "blip" which resulted in her smashing some of his belongings and urinating on his floor!  She has been hearing voices which she says are tormenting her and sees black mists.  whilst shes been in hospital which is just over a week now, all her meds have been stopped as they wanted her system clear of any substances so they could get a base line of where shes at.

Alot of blame has been put on the illegal drugs but its clear to see that even with them out of her system she still hears voices and strugggles with awful thoughts.

We are having a meeting tomorrow at the hospital and have been adviced that they will be looking at a discharge date and what help can be given in the community,  I am scared for her as she doesnt cope so well living alone but its not an option for her to live with us, We are looking after her baby under strict guidelines from social workers, the baby needs a calm enviroment.

Sorry to go on, it all just seems too much to bear sometimes, which I know you can appreciate as we are all in the same horrible situation, one way or another 

[Kwamina]

The situation with your daughter is tough indeed. Hopefully she'll be able to get some good help also after she's been discharged.

How did that meeting at the hospital go? Are you confident about the treatment plan for your daughter?

This absolutely is a lot to bear. BPD presents us with a very harsh reality and your daughter is currently struggling. Do you feel like your daughter at least does acknowledge that she has certain problems? Do you feel like she would be willing to commit to treatment?

[lbjnltx]

So sorry to hear that your d and her situation has deteriorated since you were last here esmaine. 

My d went through a period where she was having audio and visual hallucinations.  The treatment team at her RTC attributed them to psychotic depression.  She no longer hears voices or sees shadows out of the corner of her eye since before graduating RTC 5 years ago. 

Drug use can cause these as well.

I too look forward to hearing how the assessment/treatment/after care recommendations went.

lbj

[esmaine]

Thankyou for your replies, it does help so much being able to offload on people who understand BPD.

The meeting went well,  shes been started back on olanzapine, she will be assesesed for another 5 days on the ward to see how she is reacting to the meds.  She will have a home team to assist her once shes discharged.

All proffesionals involved and myself agree that the biggest help would be to stay away from the illegal drugs as these aggrivate the situation but im not sure my dd would agree with that.  She is unhappy to be in hospital and is threatening to self discharge beacause shes bored! 

her social worker did say though that if she tried to do this they may section her,

where will it all end 

[lbjnltx]

We can't know how it will end and it does sound like her treatment is heading in the right direction.

Is she getting drug counseling or mandatory NA meetings?

[esmaine]

She has had drug counselling in the past but isnt currently having any, I will however mention it to her social worker as Im sure he could set it up again.

The  plan seems to be to get her stable and then start DBT which ive beeen told is going to take a while as theres a waiting list, I was also told she will have a home team to check up on her and help with getting herself practically sorted out, finances etc.

Its so hard as Im all shes got, her dad my ex is no use at all and shes alienated everyone else,  Im trying to juggle a full time job with caring for my baby gd and helping my dd, exhausting some days.

its mothers day here in the UK today so we are taking her baby up to see her, the hospital have kindly set aside a room for us where we can not be disturbed,

[Lollypop]

Hi Esmaine

Im so sorry to hear about your daughter and it must feel unbearable. It sounds as if she's in good hands and hopefully she'll respond to the new medication and get stable soon.

We live in the UK too and my BPDs25 is not seeking treatment. It seems that sufferers must get to crisis point to be heard in the UK. It's just awful.

Can I ask what illegal drugs your daughter uses? My BPDs has a long history of drug use and has finally settled to weed which he says is self-medication although I know he does acid occasionally. I'm very interested to know what your professionals have said - specifically did they say how it makes your daughters situation worse?

Weed may be keeping him stable but it also does damage and exacerbates lack of motivation and drive. I know he's delusulional.  I'm trying hard to learn as much as I can. There'll be no convincing my own BPDs as he's convinced it's a healing drug. He went to Turning Point and counselling for about 8 months but it ended badly, now BPDs would never go back. I think they call this splitting.

I hope your Grandchild keeps you busy and although it must be tiring there's joy in the moments of babyhood. Try and take care of yourself too

L

[Rockieplace]

Esmaine - I feel so sorry to hear about your daughter and your situation.  I, too, am in the UK and my BPDD33 has been in 'crisis' for the past 8 months with numerous overdoses and serious self-harming episodes which she also described as 'blips'. She also had hallucinations and behaved similarly to your daughter. She has been sectioned under Section 2 and 3 several times over this period.  They were the only times my shoulders came down to be honest as at least then I knew she was safe. She is also waiting to start DBT.  She has finally got an appointment for assessment on Wednesday of this week.  She is home now.  She got discharged and de-sectioned a few times from units.  They intimated to me that she was 'bad' not 'mad' which I found very confusing and worrying.  I just wanted to tell you that at the last facility she was sent to, which was private, the consultant took one look at the long list of medications, anti-psychotic and others and started striking them off the list saying "that has to go", "this isn't working so that has to go" etc. etc. He pared it down to the absolute minimum of anti-depressants and minimum diazepam together with the Subutex which she is taking every day since she came off Codeine which she was addicted to at the beginning.    The anti-psychotic Quiatapine seemed to make her worse.  She gradually got better over the next 3 weeks and has now achieved a level of stability which we couldn't have hoped for 2 months ago. She is still very ill and desperately needs these therapies but we now have a little hope.  It seems like getting the medication right is so important.  I hope you have a good visit today. People say take care of yourself but that is easier said than done isn't it?  Happy Mothers Day!

PS Hi Lollipop - I see you have posted while I was typing this. In my BPDD's case, all of the doctors told me that her drug use, both prescription and weed, which she smoked at Uni, when, incidentally all her troubles started actually, are a real exacerbating factor if not the actual trigger.  Then they say that a lot of BPDs use drugs to 'ease the pain'.  xx

[Lollypop]

Hi

These crises just sound horrendous and I just don't know how you all cope but I know it's a matter of getting on with it and somehow finding the strength to do so.

"Bad" not "mad" is strange. Drug use really does mess up the behaviours and it's hard for us to see what's going on. I'd be very confused and worried with that statement too.

The mental health team refused to assess my BPDs until he was clean 12 months ago. Things have since changed in the county and he got referred by A&E but BPDs has four failed appointments now. Sigh.

My BPDs was addicted to codeine and also prescribed subutex and to be honest this stabilised him. But it all went pear shaped as his relationship with the counsellor broke down. He just wasn't qualified or experienced enough to deal with Bpds (pre diagnosis).

The consultant sounds good and it seems really sensible to pare it right down.  How did you find him?

I know it's very hard for you both but I so wish we were able to say we had hope.

L

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rockieplace]

Hi Lollipop,

The consultant was just the resident consultant for the unit they sent her to.  I will PM the details if you would like them although we are in the north of England.  Many of the local psychiatric units where she'd been discharged from didn't want her back so she was sent (from hospital) to this one which was quite a way away from us.  At the time we were cross because of the distance but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise on account of this particular consultant.

x

[wendydarling]

Esmaine - I too am sorry to read of your daughters current situation and the unbearable load you are having to manage.  My daughter had an episode earlier last month and returned from a crisis home this week.  She had been doing well, but an evening of binge drinking put an end to that. I'm in the UK. She was psychotic, hears voices, a psychiatrist (who has a great reputation in the BPD world - yes our BPD's swap information on line) finally changed her meds last week - we are watching her closely. I hope the meds change provide relief for your daughter. It's encouraging to hear the crisis team will provide practical support on discharge. My daughter can ring the crisis team 24/7 for a chat, it does not need to be a full blown crisis. Part of the discharge was getting her to alcohol counselling - 8 week course and can go back at anytime to reinforce.  She had been alcohol free since last October, it's definitely a contributor in her case.  Because of the DBT waiting list our local mental health team have put in place a weekly 2 hour bridging skills group - daughter has been attending since last Nov and found it very helpful, they teach the skills informally. On the subject of waiting list, last July we were told 12-18 months, she starts in April, less than the estimate provided - this could be because as it's mandatory to attend there is a drop out rate, also we found some in the bridging sessions eventually opted for schema for which there is no waiting list. Rockieplace I hope you are also coping, this all sounds so familiar. My daughter mentally got to the place where the disorder is so unbearable getting better is the only option and that means hard work and for now relapses. Like everyone we hope DBT is the answer ... .along with alcohol counselling, the right meds and a lot of love.

Hang in there everyone, when I look back one year I see progress, yes it's a slow road - I hope that brings you some comfort.

WDx

 

[lbjnltx]

While families wait... wait... .wait... .for DBT treatment:

Learning the basics of DBT to practice/model with/for our kids/adult kids:

Here on the site: 

Triggering, Mindfulness and Wisemind

Untangling the Internal Struggles, Dialectical Dilemna

and more.

www.dbtselfhelp.com is a self directed online resource.

Being mindful that our kids waiting for DBT professional help could look at the info, decide it isn't for them and withdraw themselves from the wait list... .we can share the resources available online with them.  A more foolproof option would be for us to educate ourselves, practice the DBT skills in our own lives, benefit from them ourselves while modeling them for our kids/adult kids.

Win Win ... .very hard to come by in our lives with our disordered and beloved kids.

lbj

[esmaine]

Thankyou for the replies, I am sorry mine is going to be short but Im about to fly out the door to work.

My dd did have to reach crisis point before the mental health services took her situation seriously, to be prsise 5 addimissions to accident and emergency since October, I virtually begged them back then to section her but it fell on deaf ears. They couldn not ignore the severity of the situation this time though as my dd said if they didnt admit her she would harm herself again.

The illegal drugs she favours are Mkat and cocaine, unfortunately there is a vile little shop being run by vile people that sells legal highs which she also has taken in the past.  She says she does it to block out the thoughts and voices.

She has also been a regular weed smoker since the age of 17 shes now 21.

My point to mental health has been that although my dd has always struggled with BPD she has never heard voices or had delusions untill the birth of her child last July, as I felt they were blaming everything on the illegal drugs, her doctor thankfully seems to of taken this on board now and is looking at post partum depression, I think thats the right term

My thoughts are with you all, it is indeed a rocky road we travel