Your thoughts on if exBPD will acknowledge BPD email?

[TheCodependent1]

Just prior to my exBPD cutting the cord from me (at 33 days NC, we were together for one year) in every way possible I sent her an email telling her I was seeking therapy for myself and I wrote a brief sentence telling her I suspected BPD was at the core of her emotional difficulties. I included a couple of links to BPD sites too and ended the email. She kept a journal, I know from her sharing details with me, so she is introspective at times, for how long it lasts, it doesn't seem very.

I would really like to think the BPD details may bring her to read about it and start to form some connection, but from everything I've read it is unlikely.

Have any of you had an experience with a significant other, or loved one for who you brought the discussion of BPD out and did it ever make a positive difference? Honestly, I am truly wondering whether she read it like an advertisement flier and discarded, or perhaps did it give her pause to read?

[Turkish]

I accused my Ex f having BPD, (I said "Borderline Personality Disorder". She told me later that it scared the crap out of her. I had just landed here.

Maybe two months later, she came to me and said, "I think I have some kind of attachment disorder." I was silent, because in addition to being here, I had read this:

PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

She was deep in the throes of her r/s with her affair partner, now husband. That was over two years ago. Two weeks ago, she called me sobbing, apologiziing. They got in a fight, he walked out, and she called me (for an emotional rescue). I still didn't mention it. Her journey is her own. I just asked if she was safe (because she has our children half of the time, and despite all that she did, I do care about her). That was it.

Even if her parents were capable of comprehending BPD, she is their daughter. They know she has been a difficult child from a young age. No change will come. Her mom even told her sometimes, "work it out with Turkish!" It didn't matter. She is who she is. And here's what my T said: "I sense that a lot of your anger stems from expecting her to be who she is not," rather than who she is. Another one: "can you accept that she is an independent enitity, free to make her own choices?"

That, to me, was like cold water in the face.

[C.Stein]

When I discovered my ex likely suffers from BPD (before I found this site) I did write and send an email to her.  She is capable of self-awareness/introspection however it is fleeting at best.  That said she had said to me many times that something is wrong with her so I felt it was prudent to bring it to her attention.  She can do what she wants with the information, deny it, go get tested, do something about it, use it as an excuse ... .it is not my responsibility anymore.  My conscious is clear with respect to this.

There is a good possibility, if she read the email, that I got painted an even deeper shade of black as a result of bringing it to her attention.  It is also possible she has done some major projection and thinks I am the one who is disordered in order to avoid facing her own issues.  Regardless, if she read the email she is aware of the possibility and eventually, when her life hits rock bottom again, she may do something about it ... .or not.  I suspect the knowledge is more likely than not going to be used as her go to excuse to justify her behavior/actions so she can avoid accountability.  

[Turkish]

I once said "you're crazy" during a light argument. I meant it in the colloquial way that most people use. She got highly triggered and said, "don't ever call me crazy!" I shut up. She always thought that she was, I came to realize. I think this was before I knew that she had been going to therapy for a long time.

[adaw]

i made the same mistake and almost got stabbed, my saving grace was that i moved quickly and disarmed her. the neighbors called the police, and she claimed i tried to kill her. be careful of what you say

[woofbarkmeowbeep]

Bpd people are annoying. I dated two. One was undiagnosed and totally denied it even doing her best to convince me it was me who had it. And the second was diagnosed and in therapy for a year for it. She still went totally nuts though and in a huge break up letter she had she refused to suggest it was BPD that was involved in her decisions but that she had all these other reasons to break up with me (which were so obviously BPD).

So yeah. It's hard for them because BPD is their default way of being in the world. They know no other alternative. Fish in water. Everything they do is 'normal', and to suddenly think it's all actually 'BPD' is a hard conceptual transition to make.

[adaw]

from experience no. remember they are narcissistic

[C.Stein]

from experience no. remember they are narcissistic

While comorbidity is certainly possible with PD's, NPD is not necessarily comorbid with BPD.