Brainspotting therapy with BPD Daughter, Accusations of Abuse~

[95%DAD]

  Hi. I am new to this web site. I have a question to anybody who has had experience with Brainspotting therapy. A little background first. I have a 17 yr old daughter who has been seeing therapists for about 3 years (cutting, anxiety, depression, hospitalization for suicide tendencies). She has not been officially diagnosed with BPD, but my wife and I are convinced she is. We've read "Stop Walking On Eggshells", "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me", and recently "The Essential Family Guide To Borderline Personality Disorder". She displays a majority of the signs; you all know what I'm talking about with a teenage daughter.

 Her present therapist has been trying a new treatment with her called Brainspotting. I first heard of it from her therapist, but I didn't investigate it. I thought "why not". About 4 weeks ago our relationship (daughter and I) started to go downhill again because of her breaking rules and me being "too strict". It got worse and worse, arguments and such. She is so hard to come to agreements with because she won't compromise, and she twists meanings, and I'm the bad guy because I won't consider her perspective. Well I just BLEW during our last argument, and told her "I can't wait till she turns 18 and she moves out because then I won't have to deal with her anymore". I know, worst thing to say! And I have apologized and explained that I said things I shouldn't have because I was so angry, and what I said then wasn't true now.

  Well, last week she had court again (4th time) for school truancy. Court went okay, but after court she couldn't make it to work because of anxiety and ended up the psych ward at the hospital that night. She was discharged on Monday and about an hour later the police and a social worker came to my door and informed me that they had been notified by an unnamed source that I had sexually abused my daughter. What a kick in the gut! I know none of you know me, so for the sake of the question, just assume I can't think of a time in my daughter's life that she could have interpreted my actions as sexual. Maybe, if she could remember, when I held her in the shower with me when she was 3 or less. But I was careful not to be touching her genitals in a way that could be misconstrued. I pretty much just washed her hair.

 My wife and I don't live together now, so my daughter has a place to live. And my wife and I are on fairly good terms. But now she is wondering if I'm a molester too! I guess I can't blame her. She asked my daughter to explain what was going on and my daughter told her that some feelings had come up during the Brainspotting therapy and she couldn't explain the feelings, but she had no specific memories. So I'm guessing it was the therapist who called the police.

 So my question is; during Brainspotting, how much is the therapist involved with locating or possibly leading the patient to the feelings that come up. Could my daughter be getting back at me for blowing up at her, either consciously or unconsciously. Could a therapist, either consciously or unconsciously, through bias of their own, lead a patient to untrue feelings. I know her therapist is Lesbian but that's about all I know about her. I don't have anything against LGBT but possibly she has some hidden prejudice against males.

 Thank you in advance to anybody that can help me with this!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Brainspotting seems to be similar to EDMR (see here for a discussion on it), though there is less clinical data to verify it, being newer. I vaguely remember the controversy surrounding repressed memories in the '80s and '90s.

As I father, I'd be shocked and even scared if the authorities showed up at my home like they did to you with such horrible accusations. Is there an active investigation going on now?

[95%DAD]

 I guess there is an investigation going on, although I don't know what there is to investigate. My daughter doesn't want to talk to the police. And I am not to see my daughter for the time being. So everything is just in limbo right now. I don't know where we go from here.

  The reason I asked the question is because I suspect my daughter likes the way it is right now and possibly planned this. She lies all the time to manipulate the situation. Recently one of the battles we had was about her new boyfriend staying overnight. Her mother takes medications to help her sleep and goes to bed early. You couldn't wake her with a Mack truck. Therefore my daughter is free to do what she wants from 8 or 9pm on. I only live 2 houses away and when I first saw her boyfriend's truck in front of the house at 2am I went over (after calling both mom and daughter and getting no answer) and asked her to have him leave. This upset her greatly that I would just come in and lay down the rules. My wife was fine with it. His truck has been there 2 out of the last 3 nights and there's nothing I can do about it.

  Also, my daughter has told me that many of the other girls in group sessions with her talk about sexual abuse by their fathers. I wonder how much she was influenced by that. What if her therapist has a background of sexual abuse by a father. Many therapists go into the profession after a history of mental health issues.

  I may get some negative feedback on the therapist statement I just made; and I know the vast majority of therapists are good. But if someone was abused in their past by someone they trusted, it can't help but influence how they think now. I'm just trying to figure out how this happened, exploring the possibilities.

  That's why, since this revelation came through Brainspotting;I am wondering, how much room is there for lying during the process. And if a therapist started to see a thought in her brain during the process that triggered some strong emotions from the therapists past, could they influence the end result by pushing too hard.

[wendydarling]

Hi 95%dad

Welcome!

Wow, that's so hard for you as a father who is trying to find your way through this, like me.  I understand the suggestible nature of what is laid at your door and why and how unfounded and hurtful that is.

Keep strong, as you say it's unreal in your world and understanding. Where is your wife in all this?

Many of our BPD's lash out to the parent who can be relied upon. Is it you?

Keep posting!

WDX

[95%DAD]

Yes, my wife is in treatment too and usually not very strong when it comes to  enforcement. As I said also, she is on medications to help her sleep and usually goes to bed early, because she works quite early in the morning. We (my wife and I) do generally see eye to eye on the rules though. But you're right, she's not the most dependable person in the world.

[Turkish]

As sad as it is, you know that you can never be alone with your daughter, right? To protect you.

[95%DAD]

Yes, I understand. Thank you for all the support!