Protecting/defending my Other non BPD children from HARM

[Shockandawe]

I have 8 biological kids with my husband.  Ages 18 down to 2.  My 16 BPD daughter is verbally and emotionally abusive to her siblings. She targets some more than others.  She also can go from seemingly loving and friendly with them to turning on them in an instant.   It leaves them stunned and reeling like getting hit with a knockout punch when you least expect it!  Only now as I see how we've all been dealing with and developing various coping styles over all these years can I really see how living with my BPD daughter has affected us all.  She has changed us.  And not for the better.  It's hurting my other kids!   I feel like I have to in a certain sense choose who I'm going to save.  Am I going to save her (BPD 16) or my other 7 kids?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

That is a terrible feeling to have... .which kids to save.

The older kids can learn about boundaries to set for themselves.

The younger kids can too only they need more help.

For example:  If big sister16 starts yelling it is ok for you to go outside, in mommy and daddy's room, come find mommy or daddy, go next door (pre arranged safe place), etc... .

Teaching our kids about boundaries sets them up for healthy self respect, healthy self image and self protection... .can stave off any co dependent traits and empower them.

I view boundaries as a way to stay in relationship with a disordered loved one... .not end or damage relationships.  It means we can preserve a healthier level of co existence rather than become victims of emotional abuse or cut off the relationship for self preservation.

If you need help with how to set boundaries and enforce them we are here for you.

lbj