Court today

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well we had court today. It was for my motions for child support, modified parenting plan, and supervised visits. Ex had filed an ex parte motion last week but it was denied by the judge. He showed up for court with his father and father's new girlfriend in tow. The father he hasn't spoken to since last August until last week. All he had for me was a financial affidavit listing 0 income. He actually put on there that he is spending $25 a month on kid clothes and $20 a month on diapers. Even though he hasn't had any time since early February and 200 total hours since December 1st. And with 0 income mind you. Literally as soon as the judge came in the first question out of his mouth was to ask ex if he was on drugs! Once again the judge asked this. When ex denied drug use the judge asked him if he had any alcohol in his system. He said that ex looked "not right" and acted strange. This was before anything even happened! Ex had absolutely nothing with him, no evidence of any kind. I had all of our emails, old texts, a detailed schedule of all of ex's parenting times, when he showed up or didn't, I had looked into ex's dad's new girlfriend a little more. She actually owns the house with the convicted sex offender she was living with. I had the property records. I had the other guy's sex offender record. She flipped in court. The bailiff had to tell her to be quiet. Ex flat out lied in court said he never said his father was a danger to our daughter. I pointed out that he hasn't seen our daughter since last summer despite being just a few hundred feet away from me. If ex was now denying he thought his father was a danger why did he not allow contact. Ex pretty much rambled on about how he isn't good with this sort of stuff, and he knows how I am, and he just wants to see his daughter. He even repeated a few times " I am the only one who changes daughter's diapers, noone else is touching her, she is by my side all the time" He actually told the judge that he stayed away for a month because a family member died. Well I gave him all of our emails about his truck breaking down and his tummy issues. Noone died. The judge asked him how his depression and anxiety was doing. Ex said that he is joining a support group at a church for guys in his situation. Funny thing is that ex has never said he had depression and anxiety. The judge just threw it out there and ex grabbed it. So much B.S. It was like the judge baited him. The judge told me that I was impressive. Working 2 jobs and going for 2 degrees at the same time and my volunteer work. He told ex that if he grants any unsupervised visits he will go to jail if he leaves the state with daughter. So now I wait for the judge to really read the evidence and make an order. I told ex a month ago in email that I was going on vacation to Boston the 25th of this month. He seriously just emailed me saying that he wants to see our daughter at 2:30 tomorrow. I said that no I would wait for the judge to make a decision and I reminded him I would be leaving for Boston. He asked if I would bring daughter to see him(me supervising) before I leave. I said no that I was actually working a few hours and then leaving. He actually just emailed saying that he would like to see her before I go to work then. Seriously he is nuts. It is really ok to get a 19 month old up and about at 6am to go see the dad that took off 6 weeks ago? Not happening.

[rarsweet]

Well we had court today. It was for my motions for child support, modified parenting plan, and supervised visits. Ex had filed an ex parte motion last week but it was denied by the judge. He showed up for court with his father and father's new girlfriend in tow. The father he hasn't spoken to since last August until last week. All he had for me was a financial affidavit listing 0 income. He actually put on there that he is spending $25 a month on kid clothes and $20 a month on diapers. Even though he hasn't had any time since early February and 200 total hours since December 1st. And with 0 income mind you. Literally as soon as the judge came in the first question out of his mouth was to ask ex if he was on drugs! Once again the judge asked this. When ex denied drug use the judge asked him if he had any alcohol in his system. He said that ex looked "not right" and acted strange. This was before anything even happened! Ex had absolutely nothing with him, no evidence of any kind. I had all of our emails, old texts, a detailed schedule of all of ex's parenting times, when he showed up or didn't, I had looked into ex's dad's new girlfriend a little more. She actually owns the house with the convicted sex offender she was living with. I had the property records. I had the other guy's sex offender record. She flipped in court. The bailiff had to tell her to be quiet. Ex flat out lied in court said he never said his father was a danger to our daughter. I pointed out that he hasn't seen our daughter since last summer despite being just a few hundred feet away from me. If ex was now denying he thought his father was a danger why did he not allow contact. Ex pretty much rambled on about how he isn't good with this sort of stuff, and he knows how I am, and he just wants to see his daughter. He even repeated a few times " I am the only one who changes daughter's diapers, noone else is touching her, she is by my side all the time" He actually told the judge that he stayed away for a month because a family member died. Well I gave him all of our emails about his truck breaking down and his tummy issues. Noone died. The judge asked him how his depression and anxiety was doing. Ex said that he is joining a support group at a church for guys in his situation. Funny thing is that ex has never said he had depression and anxiety. The judge just threw it out there and ex grabbed it. So much B.S. It was like the judge baited him. The judge told me that I was impressive. Working 2 jobs and going for 2 degrees at the same time and my volunteer work. He told ex that if he grants any unsupervised visits he will go to jail if he leaves the state with daughter. So now I wait for the judge to really read the evidence and make an order. I told ex a month ago in email that I was going on vacation to Boston the 25th of this month. He seriously just emailed me saying that he wants to see our daughter at 2:30 tomorrow. I said that no I would wait for the judge to make a decision and I reminded him I would be leaving for Boston. He asked if I would bring daughter to see him(me supervising) before I leave. I said no that I was actually working a few hours and then leaving. He actually just emailed saying that he would like to see her before I go to work then. Seriously he is nuts. It is really ok to get a 19 month old up and about at 6am to go see the dad that took off 6 weeks ago? Not happening.

[Turkish]

You are impressive... .And so is that judge!

It's amazing how an astute judge can see so many things. The sad part is that it's also likely due to seeing it so much.

[rarsweet]

He is actually emailing as we speak saying that he wants daughter next Thursday, Friday, and Saturday," this time for all day, all of those days, I have plenty of food for her. No worries" He is nuts. I just need to not respond.

[Turkish]

Walnuts, which after court, is yet another demonstration of his problem with reality. No response is good.

[rarsweet]

I am going to have a great vacation and not look at email until next week. Peace. Thank you Turkish for encouragement.

[rarsweet]

Last week, before I went on vacation, ex emailed me saying that he would be at my house at 9am next Thursday(tomorrow) to pick up daughter. This isn't even in our existing parenting plan(still waiting for judge to decide supervised visits or not). I told him that if he showed up at my house I would call the police. He responded "Good do it I'm at the police station right now". This was last Friday. What the hell does that have to do with next week? He was at the police station last week in case I called the police next week? Doesn't make any sense. He was also at one of my jobs over the weekend telling my coworkers that I am alienating him from our daughter. He sent some of them Facebook friends requests and they sent me  screen shots of his messages to them. A bunch of bologna about how his life is so hard and I am such an evil person and I don't really care about our daughter she is just a pawn to me. So I maybe acted a little immature but I just simply emailed him the screen shots. He is now saying I set it up to stalk his Facebook. He says I made my friends send him friend requests to set him up. It's crazy, he sent them requests. At our first hearing in 2014 he told the judge that people were messaging him on Facebook harassing him. He never said who but the judge warned us that he wouldn't tolerate us bashing each other on social media. I deleted my Facebook and didn't have one for over a year. First of all we don't control other people. If people who know me see how good of a mother I am and speak up that's not my responsibility. We do however control ourselves. He is just trying to bully me and it's not going to work.

[ForeverDad]

Since you know you can't reason with him, stop providing him information (potential ammunition) that he will only use to make more blaming claims.  Let sending him the Facebook screen shots be the last.  As some have said, think three times before sending or responding.

Don't volunteer to be the supervisor if Ex gets only supervised visits.  Since people he would find to supervise are likely to be his enablers, let him pay a professional or professional service for that.  If the judge would favor you supervising, state that Ex would use it to weasel his way into your life again, ask that any visits be handled professionally so your life isn't compromised or pressured.  The adult relationship is Over, all that remains is the parenting or visitation aspect.

What sometimes happens if the Ex has to pay for a professional or agency to supervise?  Visits become rare or even stop, the Ex loses the emotional rewards of personal interactions with you.  That would at least be an indicator of how much the Ex really wants to be a father.

[rarsweet]

Newest email:

I don't trust you or your mother. If you were doing it for daughter it would be fine and you would've made time to do this on a regular basis. You are doing it for you. It's all about you. Always has been. I am dealing and waiting on the court beings how you all of a sudden came up with every concern possible to prevent daughter from seeing her daddy on a regular basis without acknowledging me of these concerns. I know you, I know your mother. I don't trust either one of you. True story. I'm feel so bad for daughter having to go through this and I myself will make it up to her. I promise her. She deserves way better than this. You are a very bothered person and quite frankly I worry about daughter going through this. I cry everyday in disbelief and sadness because as you would know, there is nothing I can do to see daughter unless I play your game as you're being very troubled and untruthy in your actions. Once again, yes I would love to see our daughter. I've already seen how that goes and know what you're up to. It's not for daughter, it's for you. I've seen more bogus accusations and assumptions no matter what I do in life from you. Children always come first. The only email I expect to see from you is a time and a place where I can pick daughter up for a visit. Thank you


Just ignoring

[Nope]

Newest email:

I don't trust you or your mother. If you were doing it for daughter it would be fine and you would've made time to do this on a regular basis. You are doing it for you. It's all about you. Always has been. I am dealing and waiting on the court beings how you all of a sudden came up with every concern possible to prevent daughter from seeing her daddy on a regular basis without acknowledging me of these concerns. I know you, I know your mother. I don't trust either one of you. True story. I'm feel so bad for daughter having to go through this and I myself will make it up to her. I promise her. She deserves way better than this. You are a very bothered person and quite frankly I worry about daughter going through this. I cry everyday in disbelief and sadness because as you would know, there is nothing I can do to see daughter unless I play your game as you're being very troubled and untruthy in your actions. Once again, yes I would love to see our daughter. I've already seen how that goes and know what you're up to. It's not for daughter, it's for you. I've seen more bogus accusations and assumptions no matter what I do in life from you. Children always come first. The only email I expect to see from you is a time and a place where I can pick daughter up for a visit. Thank you


Just ignoring

Good idea. It's a whole lot of projection and garbage. At the end he even asked you to ignore it and not respond. He said he only wants to hear from you about one thing so until you have something solid from the courts he probably shouldn't hear from you at all.

[david]

I put those kinds of emails in a folder and don't respond. Over time they have become less frequent.