Magus
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: March 28, 2016, 08:50:09 AM » |
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My ex-partner is probably borderline, though she is not diagnosed. A former couples counselor suggested it to me, but she quit counseling before he could broach the subject with her.
We were together for two years twenty years ago, broke up (she said I "cheated" after she had made me leave the house because I was "bugging her," and she revised history by saying we were "working on things" when I cheated and broke her heart), then we became friends again several years later. Eventually, we became roommates and then lovers.
She did the usual pedestal thing: you're everything, my "person," etc. That lasted all of three months before she decided I was too screwed up, insecure, I lied about who I was, etc. and friendzoned me. The counseling was a disaster, as she has a degree in social work and believes she's admitted everything she needs to work on (or has resolved everything), and the problem is me. Now, she's not even sure she wants to be my friend, has decided she will never be in a relationship with me again, and she "just sucks," so the important thing is really friendship.
Let me admit up front that I am a codependent. I have known this well for quite a while. Actually, my first relationship with her was the thing that drove me to CoDA. I am in counseling myself, a fact my SO maligns because "counseling should be short-term, solution based," and I just "want someone to coddle me at this point."
The daily function of our lives is similar to a committed couple. We live together, share bills and raise a grandchild. We do a lot of social things together as well. She has so many of the maladaptive behaviors this site discusses: she has anxiety, drinks to excess at intervals, just about every friend she has wants to sleep with her, she is gushingly affectionate with others though withholding to me, ad infinitum.
And yet, I am stuck. She still maintains that I am a person she trusts deeply, who understands her, but in mildest form she says I "drive her psycho." I do love her. She does have incredible attributes (which I have not, I am aware, communicated here). She insists I am insecure because I don't know that she does value me.
I'm so conflicted. It seems she wants me to want nothing in return in order for her to give something. I'm just completely at a loss, though fortunately I have been able to start setting boundaries and not riding her roller coaster. I'm not great at it yet, though.
I guess I'm just reaching out. I feel like an anomaly. Thanks for listening.
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