Introducing myself - soon to be ex of husband with BPD

[seriouslyexBPD]

Just found this group, having just FINALLY figured out why I couldn't solve any problems with my husband in 18 years. Because he is BPD.

The kicker was reading about high conflict divorces and seeing the comment about "wasteful spending/wasting the savings." Whether it was his dissatisfaction with vacuum cleaners (we owned ay least 9 in the last 18 years) or couches (at least 7 - most of which we donated after rejecting) or obsession with owning the latest technology this was the first time I saw an explanation that tied everything together. And I'm so happy I made the decision to divorce. It took a lot of planning to make this happen successfully - but so happy to be soon to be free of all this.

Now that we are divorcing, I am on high alert to prevent parental alienation.

I'm grateful to be here.

[ForeverDad]

   Welcome.  Of course, we wish we didn't have the problems we have, but it is what it is and so welcome!

There is a wide range of poor behaviors, some you may not have even realized or identified yet.  That's okay, it all can be so overwhelming.  These poor behaviors are extremes of "traits" that we all have.  In moderation and with balance, our traits are okay, even great, that's one of the ways we're not identical robots coming off a production line.  As they say, variety is the spice of life.  But when the traits are not in moderation, invalidating and unbalanced... .uh oh... .watch out.

There's an immense amount of collective wisdom here, somewhere, sometime, someone in the past has reported issues similar to yours and received not just peer support but also suggestions, strategies and guidance to further resources.

[livednlearned]

Hi seriouslyexBPD,

Welcome and hello 

What kind of custody arrangement do you hope to get (or have)? How old are the kids?

And what stage of the divorce process are you in?

I had a great lawyer, a good judge, and read Splitting half a dozen times, but this place helped me stay clear-minded through the sturm und drang of my divorce. I'm so glad you found the site, and hope you're doing ok. These are hard marriages, and equally hard divorces for many of us. And there is a dearth of information about BPD men, it seems. My observation is that they stay more (negatively) attached to their ex spouses, and less so to the kids, whereas perhaps (at least in general) the opposite is true for BPD mothers.

LnL