would counseling help?

[nrobinson]

Question?

The events leading up the breakup my ex can  nof remember is is normal?

He only remembers what his family tells him is that normal with BPD?

He thinks is I  stress him out and I will live with him and this not true, with counseling would he be able to deal with all the memories he has buried possibly?

He dates but as friends with benefits  and I think his family is just using me as the s apegoats

I can not get over him , or quite frankly the injustice

Are any of u out there experience similar issues ?

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[C.Stein]

My ex has what I call "selective memory".  She either forgets things she said or did entirely or she remembers them differently than what actually occurred.  Sometimes it is intentional, sometimes it is misunderstanding,  sometimes it is an unconscious need to forget/revise.  In some cases I believe this may be as simple as she forgot however in most cases I think she forgets or remembers things differently (revision of history) because this is what she needs to do.  Anything that casts her in a bad light is subject to this selective memory.

How is his family using you as a scapegoat?

[nrobinson]

Long story but basically they have him convinced that he want a divorce that refuse to live with him and the marriage is bad and all the things I did to help him committal, jail for hitting to get counseling to get out, anger management counseling at work he thinks I was doing to hurt him and be mean. They let him believe that this.and decided the stress of all the fighting makes him behavior werid

He does not even know he has been brainwashed. They are know he has a problem  well u get the idea.

[livednlearned]

They can tell him to get a divorce, that doesn't mean he will go through with it.

There may be some truth to what they are trying to do, even if the solution is not one you agree with.

It sounds like a lot of conflict, and neither side has been able to minimize the abuse.

Do you want to work on developing some of the skills that can help mitigate conflict? If he does stand down and decide to come back, you will need these skills if you want the marriage to stabilize.

[nrobinson]

I would like some of skills,  they encourage. And enable though and feeling and I am now appealing the final action.and yes they minizing stress but seeing a common ground they don't want to deal with mental illness instead me and the marriage the heavy

And u are right the is conflict now what do  to help the listening process.

[Grey Kitty]

I'll say that I think counseling can help, and it helps somebody who is willing to examine themself and work on things far more than somebody who is reluctant.

Even though he is behaving horribly, you would probably benefit from it, just so you can cope more productively with the terrible situation you are in.

If he is willing, he would benefit as well. I wouldn't push him to go though--Getting into a fight with him about whether he goes to counseling or not isn't going to help either of you.