MC today at 5

[Verbena]

Are you told what to write about in the confession letters? If so, I would take the letter with a grain of salt because people can write or say things under compulsion by others that are not necessarily evidence of internal heart change. It's like when people are caught in sins and are required to do certain things for restitution, but it is viewed more as a punishment.

I agree.  Remember who is asking that the letter be written--a Christian counselor.  I see this as all being for show.  She appears contrite in her letter, the counselor thinks she really means it, she comes off looking like the good Christian wife. 

Meanwhile, you live with her and know what her real motivations are. 

[formflier]

The counselor seems to find turning points or really big deals and then try to focus us on "what we were living for" in that moment.


Was our primary motivation to serve and honor God or to serve ourselves and our own sinful desires. 

So yes, the subject matter was picked for us after lots of talk and discussion and the counselor finding areas that we were really far apart.

The effort is not that we agree on what each other did wrong or right, but that we are honest with ourselves about our motivations.

It will be interesting for me to work through my letter about the night police came.  I'm clear in my heart about why I took a stand about sleeping in my own house.  I had "been a peacemaker" for two nights the past weekend and gone to a hotel room.  That failed miserably for me because I didn't get much sleep there.  I actually got more sleep the night the police came, even though I was asleep and awake several times due to shenanigans in the house.

So, I'm clear in my heart that for the "birthday party blowup" that I was angry and had some things to say, and, yeah, I said them, bigtime.  That's on me.

Taking a stand to be able to get sleep was more about fear.  The best analogy I can use is how a person reacts to being dunked under the water and held there.  Eventually you will come up fighting, perhaps you will exclaim a few things.  In my mind that is not about sinful anger.

Side note:  It's been 6 years since I had sleep studies done.  I've been to a specialist and will go in for a sleep study (in the hospital with tons of wires hooked to me) tomorrow night.  The goal is to tighten up my second diagnosis.

1.  Obstructive sleep apnea syndrome (this one is pretty well handled with machine)

2.  Intrinsic sleep disorder, not otherwise specified, due to frequent spontaneous arousals. (this is the one I am interested in)

There is a common misconception with my wife and her family that "I sleep just fine, I just have to have a machine"  Then stories are told about others in the family that have machines and "sleep anywhere" and "I could be like them if I wanted to" as "proof" that "I'm just being an a$$".

I realize that any information that comes out of the new sleep studies is just for me and likely won't sway their opinions.  It may better inform me in building better boundaries and it will hopefully find a pathway to me getting better sleep.

I slept alone last night (the usual thing, wife sleeps elsewhere), and my machine says that I got 2.54 hours of "therapy" which means machine was on.  My 7 day sleep average is up to 6 hours of therapy per night.

Here is the whacky thing.  I went to bed at 10pm to 1015 and got out of bed at 620 this morning when my alarm went off.  I have some vague memories of getting up to pee once or twice and I do remember spraying my nose when it was stuffy.

Perhaps I fell back asleep with the mask off?  It completely baffles me how I could only get 2.54 hours of good therapy sleep.  But, no wonder I feel like a weight is on my head and I'm yawning up a storm.

Sigh,

FF

[Grey Kitty]

Taking a stand to be able to get sleep was more about fear.  The best analogy I can use is how a person reacts to being dunked under the water and held there.  Eventually you will come up fighting... .perhaps you will exclaim a few things.

I think you have hit on something really important here--you have some very real fear around your sleep problems, and people threatening your ability to sleep peacefully.

Set aside your logical/rational side for a moment, and don't think about the reasons that is important. (Put it in a box somewhere safe; it is important and you will want it later  )

Your fear, no matter how justified it is, is still fear that you have to deal with when you choose how to act. And if the fear hides behind ANGER, which you've also experienced, you have to deal with that anger as well. In other words, this stuff is pretty triggering to you.

Acknowledge those feelings, be ready to give yourself a time out to deal with them before you engage with your wife or her FOO on these issues. You will be able to handle the situation better that way.

(OK, you can pick up all the rational stuff about your medical sleep issues again)

There is a common misconception with my wife and her family that "I sleep just fine, I just have to have a machine"  Then stories are told about others in the family that have machines and "sleep anywhere" and "I could be like them if I wanted to" as "proof" that "I'm just being an a$$".

Whups, too soon... .don't use those rational thoughts to try to bludgeon your wife or her FOO into agreeing with you... .put them back in the box, and get out your tools for dealing with pwBPD and other mentally ill folks!

This is a boundary enforcement issue, and there is only one thing that matters. It doesn't matter what they say about you. It doesn't matter what they think about you. If you have to "just be an a$$" to get your sleep, go ahead and do it. But be an assertive one enforcing a boundary, instead of a raging one.

They don't need to know why. They don't need to agree. They can say snarky stuff about you. All they need to know is this. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO COMPROMISE ON YOUR SLEEP NEEDS. Keep your eye on the ball.