Suspecting child abuse fro uBPDstepD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My SD just landed on our door two days ago w 4 children(has been in 2 shelters, a failed relocate out of state & her BPD mom's since middle of Feb). Her BPD mom put her out bec her "fiance" is moving in from Nepal.

Just took pics of 11 month old who to my husband and me look full of bluish bruises. Her whole back.

She was threatened with foster care by cps 1 1/2 month ago bec kids witnessed domestic violence w her and her live in BF. Her oldest has undiagnosed autism.  VERY obvious.  He is the reason CPS was called. He was throwing up at school alot. And said her BF hit him in stomach. 

Her uBPD mom knew about the DV abuse and advised her to stay. We knew nothing until middle of Feb.

She is mean as a snake to her kids. But has over affection towards 11 month old. And next to none for other kids(3, 7, 8). When I have kept the kids while she left to take care of some business(school, grocery) they were fine, played independently and self soothed.  The moment she steps in the room, it gets chaotic.

My husband and I have gotten a chance to see up close and personal(she's assumptive, lazy, unkempt, short-fused) why her life is so jacked up bec according to her none of it is her fault. Ever.

I know we have to report this. Even if it turns out to be birthmarks(if so they would be huge). I feel like we can't ignore because of all the additional recent CPS stuff.

I am just very upset because I am newly married(in 40's, only child just started College last year). I have compassion and empathy for hurting children just not sure I want to parent them. But they are my husbands grand-children so I am pretty sure where he's at. His house over foster care.

And I think having the kids out of her immediate custody would be good for them and hopefully force her into classes and mental health help before she can get them back.

[faithlady007]

My SD just landed on our door two days ago w 4 children(has been in 2 shelters, a failed relocate out of state & her BPD mom's since middle of Feb). Her BPD mom put her out bec her "fiance" is moving in from Nepal.

Just took pics of 11 month old who to my husband and me look full of bluish bruises. Her whole back.

She was threatened with foster care by cps 1 1/2 month ago bec kids witnessed domestic violence w her and her live in BF. Her oldest has undiagnosed autism.  VERY obvious.  He is the reason CPS was called. He was throwing up at school alot. And said her BF hit him in stomach. 

Her uBPD mom knew about the DV abuse and advised her to stay. We knew nothing until middle of Feb.

She is mean as a snake to her kids. But has over affection towards 11 month old. And next to none for other kids(3, 7, 8). When I have kept the kids while she left to take care of some business(school, grocery) they were fine, played independently and self soothed.  The moment she steps in the room, it gets chaotic.

My husband and I have gotten a chance to see up close and personal(she's assumptive, lazy, unkempt, short-fused) why her life is so jacked up bec according to her none of it is her fault. Ever.

I know we have to report this. Even if it turns out to be birthmarks(if so they would be huge). I feel like we can't ignore because of all the additional recent CPS stuff.

I am just very upset because I am newly married(in 40's, only child just started College last year). I have compassion and empathy for hurting children just not sure I want to parent them. But they are my husbands grand-children so I am pretty sure where he's at. His house over foster care.

And I think having the kids out of her immediate custody would be good for them and hopefully force her into classes and mental health help before she can get them back.

[Thunderstruck]

Wow, yeah four kids would be a lot to take on. 

I think getting CPS involved would be a good thing. Mom would have time to get counseling, get a job, get her stuff together for the kids. However, SD is probably going to harbor some resentment about it. (note, though, that in most cases you can report anonymously).

It would also be nice for the kids to have adults to set them up on a good path right now. CPS and you and your DH could be great to getting them into programs they might need.

If it helps, I think CPS provides a small stipend for kids in the system to help with the cost of clothing/food/etc. You can even use it to hire a babysitter to give yourself a break!