overwhemled

[Parents! Get help here!]

How do you stop your loved ones endless problems taking over your life?

we were doing ok BPD dd seemed a bit more stable then this tuesday another over dose another trip to a@e another week of sleppless nights and worry, my own mental health is sufering, Im withdrawing into myself,

my dd depends on my support, I cannot withdraw it for fear of what will happen and the fact I love her dearly

she lives 30 minuites away and depends on my phone calls as nobody else really bothers anymore,

she visits us and her baby twice a week on my days off from work,

I am doing my best

Any suggestions welcome

[esmaine]

How do you stop your loved ones endless problems taking over your life?

we were doing ok BPD dd seemed a bit more stable then this tuesday another over dose another trip to a@e another week of sleppless nights and worry, my own mental health is sufering, Im withdrawing into myself,

my dd depends on my support, I cannot withdraw it for fear of what will happen and the fact I love her dearly

she lives 30 minuites away and depends on my phone calls as nobody else really bothers anymore,

she visits us and her baby twice a week on my days off from work,

I am doing my best

Any suggestions welcome

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

When our children/adult children's lives are literally at stake are the hardest times to cope, it takes our greatest efforts to function and carry on. 

Since we cannot give what we do not have we need to take the time and put the efforts into self.  Skills like wisemind and radical acceptance have been helpful for me.  The greatest support I have is from God.  Many times when I could do nothing more I commend my daughter into His care for protection and comfort. I do this as many times as I need to throughout the day as I find myself taking back her problems onto myself.  If you believe in a higher power it can help to do this.



lbj

[esmaine]

thankyou, I am not a religious person but have found myself praying in my own way for help in keeping my dd safe and I have a couple of positive mantras that I repeat many times a day.

It so hard not to let it take over my life, its all I think about, my nerves are in shreds

[lbjnltx]

 :'(

Sometimes we need to break the cycle of ruminating thoughts.  Fully engaging in something mentally that has no connection to our worries and concerns. 

Maybe you can find something helpful in this workshop:

Dealing with Ruminating thoughts

lbj

[esmaine]

thankyou for the link, I have read it and it is helpful 

[Bpd mother]

I can so relate to thoughts taking over your mind. I get about 2 hours sleep when I am exhausted then I wake up and all the problems hit me again. I am using Bach rescue remedy drops. They may be a total waste of time but at least I am doing something. I will also read the link given. I wish you well and you are not alone.

[Giggy]

I know exactly how you both feel,  I am as typing this I have my BPDs 37 yrs old  on the phone being made crazy ...

According to him I can't do anything right.  I say the wrong things at the wrong time.  It has been unbearable to the point that I feel I am losing my mind.  It has put a strain on my relationship with my husband, his step father who has been very good to him for the last 17 years.  The worry, the anxiety is truly driving me crazy.

I know that it might not help you but know that you are not alone.

I am reading:

The essential family guide to Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger

And have bought:

Feeling Loved by Jeanne Segal

I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better  by Gary & Joy Lundberg


I'm hoping they will have good suggestions.

[esmaine]

Thank you for your replies and the book suggestions, knowing there are other parents who totally understand how I feel really helps. I am completely exhausted with worry and with basically having to think for my dd, her gp has now put her on a weekly only prescription of olanzapine to minimise the risk of her overdosing on them again, she has to make sure she picks up her prescription on a Friday or else she'll run out and have none for weekend which would result in a meltdown!  Last Friday she visited us and she lied about collecting her prescription, luckily I found out but then had to get her a taxi to take her back home which is 20 miles away to get her to the docs before they closed.

Maybe I shouldn't of made it so easy for her but I knew if she didn't get those meds it would

be another miserable weekend for the whole family

[Giggy]

I am trying to set boundaries, I know I cater way too much to BPDs but I hate all the conflict and chaos.  Everything he complains about can be dealt with but he doesn't want the problems to go away because then he wouldn't have anything to complain about.

Exhausting... .

[wendydarling]

Hi Esmaine, I'm so sorry to hear of your daughters recent crisis  . My daughters latest crisis was in Feb, for 5 weeks, yes it's taken me time to recover, longer than it took my daughter to recover.  There is a lesson waiting for me  

It's good to hear your GP prescribing meds weekly, they are on it! And, yes I would have sent my daughter in a taxi to collect her meds as you did.  In times of crisis I have willingly kept hold of daughters monthly supply (hidden!) and given her daily until I felt she was well enough to manage herself, it's was a no brainer for me. She is very grateful I helped her through those times as I'm sure your daughter is.  My daughter is presently able to manage her meds without me fearing and I have hope this continues. When my daughter is in crisis I do not stand back from helping her get back on her road because I know she is fighting to recover.  

I've just started reading Radical Acceptance, I'm reading it really slowly and re-reading pages, it is so very rich .

The more I read and learn, the less overwhelmed I feel. I wish that for you too. WDx

[wendydarling]

I am trying to set boundaries, I know I cater way too much to BPDs but I hate all the conflict and chaos.  Everything he complains about can be dealt with but he doesn't want the problems to go away because then he wouldn't have anything to complain about.

Exhausting... .

Hi Giggy, it is certainly exhausting, I hear you.  Would it help you to share the boundaries you are trying to put in place?  WDx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders