Words for CPS--suggestion?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So frustrated... .we have now had two false CPS calls in 6 months.  The investigator wants to close our case, but her supervisor wants to interview us again because she wants to figure out why we keep getting reported.  BECAUSE BPD MOM IS CRAZY AND LOST HER NEGATIVE ADVOCATE GAL! 

The first one accused DH of using drugs... .we passed their hair follicle test.  This one is accusing DH of being a drunk... .he passed an alcohol abuse test (called a PEth) that he took on his own volition.  We haven't given that one to CPS because we were going to use it for the TRO, but I guess our attorney will show it to them on Monday.

How can they NOT see that BPD mom is using them for a reason to block custody?  Soo frustrated... .

[sanemom]

So frustrated... .we have now had two false CPS calls in 6 months.  The investigator wants to close our case, but her supervisor wants to interview us again because she wants to figure out why we keep getting reported.  BECAUSE BPD MOM IS CRAZY AND LOST HER NEGATIVE ADVOCATE GAL! 

The first one accused DH of using drugs... .we passed their hair follicle test.  This one is accusing DH of being a drunk... .he passed an alcohol abuse test (called a PEth) that he took on his own volition.  We haven't given that one to CPS because we were going to use it for the TRO, but I guess our attorney will show it to them on Monday.

How can they NOT see that BPD mom is using them for a reason to block custody?  Soo frustrated... .

[ForeverDad]

Because maybe the 101st allegation might have a grain of truth?  I guess it's somehow related to the concept of whistle blower laws, they don't want to discourage reports of misdeeds and abuse.  Unfortunately the disordered mind has no compunction against abusing the purpose of the laws and agencies.

At some point, you may be just about there now, her credibility will weaken and though they have to do the paperwork to sign off on it, the allegations now are becoming like the barking for the neighbor's toothless dog, hopefully more a nuisance than a danger.  Problem is, this is about parenting and the stakes are so much more than just walking down the street.

Maybe... ."It's not about us, it's about her and her driving emotional need to control and villainize, by any means possible, anyone not controlled."

[sfbayjed]

This is a thought, I may be wrong. I often am. 

If someone is going to accuse me of being from mars, I am not going to run down and get a DNA test.

Why is your lawyer having you jump through hoops for false allegations?

Perhaps you should tell them "Look, I don't know why she makes up stuff like this. That is her deal. There is no truth to it and she has no proof. IF you have any legitimate concerns, let me know and we can discus them. Otherwise I am done jumping through hoops over her false accusations"

CPS wants your kids to be safe right?  Who would you think would seem like the more stable parent. The one that presents as reactive and obsessed to prove the disturbed ex's allegations are false and is willing to jump through hoops (that is how I was) or the parent that presents as having a back bone and says enough is enough.  I would hope it's the latter. 

Also, I am in California, it may be different where you are. But no one is going to care about drugs unless you are doing them while you have the kids or it affects how you are as a parent. If you are clean why do you need to prove it? Let them prove you are not.

Just food for thought. 

[bravhart1]

I'm with sfbayjed

I might begin to use phrases like "witch hunt" and unlawful persecution. This is ridiculous on its face and disturbing in its core. I would start to ask questions of everyone at CPS their name, case number, what they intend to do about false charges being filed and how CPS is going to deal with being used to harass you. Throw the ball back hard and let them know in no uncertain terms you intend to determine the lawfulness of CPS accepting moms words without looking into HER mental state and appropriateness at being alone with her children given her unbalanced condition.

[ForeverDad]

The first one accused DH of using drugs... .we passed their hair follicle test.  This one is accusing DH of being a drunk... .he passed an alcohol abuse test (called a PEth) that he took on his own volition.  We haven't given that one to CPS because we were going to use it for the TRO, but I guess our attorney will show it to them on Monday.

Important thought here... .sounds like DH is playing a defensive game.  Maybe with CPS that's sometimes the only way.  But in competitive sports few teams can win playing only Defense.  Yes, mom is the one making allegations, that means only the accused is scrutinized.  But would it work for DH to state, "If you want tests done, then have both of us have comply and review the results from both."  At least that puts it on a less unequal footing and who knows, maybe on some tests the other parent might even fail.

[Thunderstruck]

I wouldn't go on a tirade against CPS... .they're just doing their jobs. They legally *have* to investigate each and every claim. Can you imagine if just one claim was reported and not investigated and a child was seriously harmed? That would be awful.

uBPDbm called CPS on us twice in a two month span. She also filed a TRO at the same time.   The first accusation was that we were doing drugs, and the second was that DH was sexually abusing SD(then 9). (The TRO accusation was that DH tried to kidnap SD). Each time they come to interview us, DH tells them that we are in a contentious custody situation and that SD might be saying things because she is in the middle. He doesn't go much farther than that and doesn't place blame on uBPDbm for being a crazy head.

Our reports are full of "this is a family in turmoil". They start out with all of uBPDbm's accusations (we're mean, we're doing drugs, we are drunks, etc) taken at face value. Then they talk to the school (Thunderstruck and DH are involved, mom isn't), then by the time they get to us they already know the accusation is a pile of nonsense. For us, these are (hopefully) gold for the CE to review so while they were stressful to go through at the time, they will (again, hopefully) give us a good outcome for our final CO.

If this were happening after we had final orders, then I would certainly bring it up in family court and have it addressed there. I don't think CPS would have the capacity to prevent these things accusations from being made/investigated.

[sanemom]

Investigator gets what is going on; her supervisor, not so much.  The supervisor initially was suggesting that before we close the case, we have a family meeting with BPD mom, DH, and me.  Seriously?  She thinks if we do that, somehow the crazy allegations will stop.  Uh, no!  And apparently, BPD mom was all excited about the prospect of having a family meeting--lol!

 I told the investigator that we have plenty of court paperwork saying that mom is not stable if that would help, and right now, with this delay, we can't take her back to court because we need the CPS dismissal letter.  I let the investigator know that today, when my 5 year old ran into DSS15, he ignored her--he will continue to be psychologically abused by BPD mom the longer this takes.  She seems to totally get it, and she told her supervisor.

Now it's not a team meeting... .just a few follow-up questions.

[sanemom]

I meant to add that I would bet $100 that BPD mom realized that the investigator got her number and went over her head to the supervisor and suggested the family meeting herself.  She really wants time with DH... .it is soo weird.

[Thunderstruck]

Investigator gets what is going on; her supervisor, not so much.  

Makes sense. The investigator did all the leg work and found out what reality looks like. The supervisor probably just read the allegations. I am a little surprised the supervisor didn't take the investigator's word for it, though. The investigator must be a bit "green".

Oh, you think if we all get together and talk like rational people that our differences would get all worked out? Well, gosh! We hadn't thought of that before! Problem solved!    Because we're definitely all rational people!

[sanemom]

Investigator gets what is going on; her supervisor, not so much.  

Makes sense. The investigator did all the leg work and found out what reality looks like. The supervisor probably just read the allegations. I am a little surprised the supervisor didn't take the investigator's word for it, though. The investigator must be a bit "green".

Oh, you think if we all get together and talk like rational people that our differences would get all worked out? Well, gosh! We hadn't thought of that before! Problem solved!    Because we're definitely all rational people!

Since BPD mom used to work for DCFS and since they actually did not keep the name of the accuser anonymous, I am suspicious that BPD mom actually requested the "family meeting" in the first place from the supervisor, especially since she was "very excited" about it (according to the investigator).

[bravhart1]

What's funny to me is that last year when SD was really struggling BPDm asked for her and dad to have a meeting with kiddos therapist. Since they haven't actually talked to each other in almost three years it was out of the blue.

Now right from the get go, therapist and DH said, what good would that do? As she has no ability to control her temper in such meetings and they had been tried before and resulted in miserable failure and later false accusations about what was said, so both therapist  and Dh said, thanks but no thanks.

Later in the year, during CE she brought this up as an example to how she was trying to coparent, but dad was obstructing. He asked DH about it and DH made it clear, now that she has no access to dad she is trying everything she can to get a private audience with him and he won't have it. He made it clear she could manipulate another false accusation about threats, physical violence in the hallway, or parking lot, and DH brought out several emails she had written doing just that, and said "why would I give her another chance to frame me for a crime?"

CE said, he didn't blame us for refusing.

Your BPDm seems to think if she raises a stink, she can work it to her advantage to get a meeting to make DH pay attention to her.

What is it about the BPD that makes them think they can use old tricks on people over and over again?