in A Deep Fog and can't get out :(

[Sky100]

KelliHello

I have been married to my BPD husband for 20 years. It has been 20 years of pure hell. I decided to divorce him last year after he jumped on me and attacked me. He convinced me not to move out while we were going through the Divorce. He said he wanted to have a Peaceful divorce. I stayed in the same home with him , thinking it would be easier for my son.

Well, it is almost a year and since then he lost his job. I work all day then come home to take care of my 11 year old son. I find myself exhausted from all the work and verbal abuse from my husband. He keeps prolonging the Divorce and Avoids talking about it.

The problem is I feel so mentally exhausted from him that I can not find the Energy to move ahead with the Divorce.

I live in severe stress and I am extremely exhausted sad I feel terrible that my son has to hear my husband's crazy talk. I know I need to Divorce him quickly but I am in a fog and feel so stuck in this crazy cycle

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Sky100, Welcome!  Your situation is quite familiar so know that you are not alone.  It is exhausting to live with a pwBPD due to the frequent confrontations and the uncertainty about what you will face next (walking on eggshells).  Many of us have been down this road before you.  The first step, in my view, is to start by taking care of yourself.  It's easy to lose oneself in a BPD marriage (I did).  Think about your needs and what you can do to find a way to recharge from all the stress.  Then do it, regardless what your H says.  You may also need to put some new boundaries in place in order to protect yourself from his verbal abuse.  E.g., if he starts verbally attacking you, say that is unacceptable and leave the room.  If it continues, leave the house and go for a walk or drive.  You get the idea.  It's about putting yourself first, for a change.

LuckyJim

[Sky100]

Hello Lucky Jim

Thank you for your Words of support. Yes , you are right, I do need good boundaries and to take better care of myself. As you know it is not easy to care for ourselves when we live with a BPD person. It seems that they become more angry as we try to put up boundaries.

Your ideas for keeping my boundaries up were very helpful. I will definitely try to use them.

Thanks again!

[Lucky Jim]

I do need good boundaries and to take better care of myself. As you know it is not easy to care for ourselves when we live with a BPD person. It seems that they become more angry as we try to put up boundaries.

Hello again, Sky100, You're welcome!  Right, it isn't easy to care for oneself in a BPD r/s, though self-care is critical, in my view, if you are going to make progress.  When we caretake others, we avoid taking care of ourselves (I've done it, too).  It's about learning to love and accept oneself, which sounds easier that it is.

Keep us posted!

LuckyJim

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Sky, Don't worry about whether your H gets angry -- you can't control that.  Just do what you need to do to protect yourself and your own well-being.  Got it?  LJ