Facebook

[Concerns]

So it was my birthday yesterday, instead of wishing me happy birthday on facebook, she friends one of her potential replacements that she has been dating for months which she had basically discarded a few weeks ago for her main replacement. The friending bothered me honestly. But part of me is ok. We still live together. We have a son. We are still tied together financially. The gut punch came from his post-"I tried texting but got no answer. How are you?How's Name(son)?" What my wife has done in her replacement seeking is intertwined her plight with my son's which doesn't exist. He doesn't have a plight. He and I are great! We have a wonderful relationship. She has no drought of willing suitors to take them both on. I suppose the problem I have is from the other end... .tell me about my viewpoint bc it may be skewed.   

I know she plays the victim so well that my son will also be a victim in someone else's eyes. I think the introduction of new men/relationships into my son's life while we are splitting is no bueno. Maybe sometime after but please don't pour this on his little psyche as well... .but she is BPD/NPD. In the end, it's about her. Or am I off the mark? In the end, she is going to do just about whatever she wants.

He has done things like brought gifts back from Disneyland and given them to her. Although she didn't give them to him before I got rid of them. I am more worried about her pitting the suitors against me via our child, does that make sense? So he can come in and save them both. I am also interested in this pattern I am seeing with her men. They are also using interest in my son as either a way to lay my wife, bond with her, connect with her because it's easy but something feels weird about it. For example, if I started a new relationship then I would be trying to get to know her first and I would leave the children out of it out of respect. But she has no respect. Am I off on this? What do you think? Do I say anything to her? Or do I leave it? Idk.

[Turkish]

If you live together, that is tough. I was there for about 4 months until she moved out. I blocked her at least two months before she moved out. We were ships passing in the night. My boundary. It's what I felt was healthy for me. She was in a r/s. We had D1 and S3 at the time. She was living a double life and I didn't want to see it on FB, as I was living it in real time.

[Concerns]

Thanks, Turkish. True. Its tough. We really are ships "passing in the night". I work in the mornings. I work early til 1:30. She from 1-9:30. Most nights when she gets home, the son and I are already asleep or I'm on my way. Most nights now, she comes home and leaves until about 3am to be with her replacement. After she comes home and goes to bed, I get up and goto work. She only does laundry for herself. I keep the house maintained,clean,fold all the laundry. She sleeps in her own bedroom. Barely any contact over the phone. She had a stint in the psych hospital a couple of weeks ago. Her psychologist fired her for non-compliance. 8 days on new meds and she's off again.

I actually feel alot better when she isn't there. It's all coming to a close... .

Towards the end here, it's been more about me setting boundaries for myself and learning how to enforce them on myself. She is not interested in my boundaries :P

Honestly, Turkish. Thank you. D1 and S3. I have been the primary caretaker for my S4 and I can only imagine what that must have been like for you. You are an emotional warrior. People don't need to travel to distant lands to fight for their lives and families. Sometimes, it's right here in front of us... .I love my child and the thought of losing him is like nothing anyone can experience unless it happens to them.