He wants to talk and I am so nervous...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I haven't talked with him in 10 days and he is now asking to talk. My heart is racing. I am so nervous about how it will go, if it breaks down to a f%&k you fest, etc.

[somuch]

I haven't talked with him in 10 days and he is now asking to talk. My heart is racing. I am so nervous about how it will go, if it breaks down to a f%&k you fest, etc.

[formflier]

I haven't talked with him in 10 days and he is now asking to talk. My heart is racing. I am so nervous about how it will go, if it breaks down to a f%&k you fest, etc.

Think about your personal boundaries before you start.  If he crosses them, leave the conversation.

You are in control of what you listen to.

He is in control of what he says. 

You have the power to protect yourself!

FF

[Sunfl0wer]

I haven't talked with him in 10 days and he is now asking to talk. My heart is racing. I am so nervous about how it will go, if it breaks down to a f%&k you fest, etc.

Would it help to share what exactly makes you most anxious?

Are there things you can do to help you feel calmer?

     Like ask him to put some thoughts in email first so you can me tally prepare?

     Or decide ahead of time topics you will or wont discuss, and decide for yourself a structure        for talking, and like FF says, your boundaries.

Idk what it is that you need, I just gave some examples of what may help me just to think of ways that would help me if I may be feeling similar.  For me, I tend to get caught off guard and caught up in the emotions of it when I am hit with unexpected topics.  Easier for me to stay calm and analytical when I have a good idea what other person will bring up, have time to ponder my own thoughts about topic in private.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey so much, Just because he is asking to talk doesn't mean that you have to do it.  Do you even want to speak w/him?  What would you like to see happen?  What is your gut feelings about why you are so nervous?

LuckyJim

[somuch]

What I really want is for him to stop being abusive, acknowledge his abusive behavior and stop blaming it on everyone else. I held my ground about not accepting responsibility for his behavior and that went over like a turd in a punch bowl. He insists that people's reactions to his abusive behavior need to be fixed before he can address his abusive behavior. I just cannot get on board with that weird logic. He is just so sick. Breaks my heart. So much.

[Lucky Jim]

What I really want is for him to stop being abusive, acknowledge his abusive behavior and stop blaming it on everyone else.

Hello again, somuch, that's unlikely to happen, I'm afraid, due to the nature of BPD.  The reality is that you can't control or change someone else's behavior unless that person elects to change.  Instead, Suggest you focus on yourself and the things within your control.  Put your energy where your power is!

LuckyJim

[SamwizeGamgee]

Your post gave me a flashback moment.  I remember getting so nervous just being in the same room with my wife.  I was jittery afraid that she'd say something like "we need to talk."

Then if / when we talked I noticed I would position myself near a door, just in case.  Some talks went well, most were just a flurry of fabrications and distortions in an effort to make me do something differently.

I now have reached the point that I detached and don't really care what she says.

I feel for you.  Good luck!

[Lucky Jim]

Then if / when we talked I noticed I would position myself near a door, just in case.

Funny, I did the same thing, Sam, after being cornered a few times by my BPDxW.  After that, I kept one eye on the escape route.

LJ

[oery]

Be cool and talk.