Need some help and insight ASAP

[Thread]

For the past 2-3 weeks BPD husband has been lagging with the business. Instead of just having episodes during work, where I am cornered and cannot leave, he is now doing it during orders, like not reading the invoices, not sending them, not answering emails and even starting to not timely leave to do deliveries (even if it's both of us). I set things up so I can maybe get 30-40min of sleep working 22 hours straight and he still falls behind.

This week I asked him to help me. He got an entire day of sleep. I needed help. I have only been sleeping 4-5 hours per night this week. I was getting chills not feeling well and forgot a small order for someone with work closely with. When he woke I explained the situation, 3 times. He made a delivery. I was like hmm needed him to do this but there's still time. He then never came home. I texted and called no answer. I expressed I needed help and kept asking where he was. No response. Over ten tries between calls and texts. Nothing. I finally texted "your coworkers thing I'm suppose to make for tomorrow - not happening have fun."

Eureka! I got a response. A response of oh I didn't know the order was due at that time. Oh I didn't have my phone on me. To then I'm helping you get business (it's our business sidenote, he's been pulling this the past few weeks) and then to I had plans and 3 hours notice wasn't enough time.

So he canceled his friends order. To prove to me he didn't care. However today I wake up with him expecting me to make this item.

What am I suppose to do here? I'm suppose to exert boundaries. So what do I do? I really don't know what to do.

- when I delivered the other item to the person we worked closely with I gave her something different than what she initially wanted but would work, and I apologized for not having it and she said I looked terrible - I started bawling and told her my situation. Luckily her ex was emotionally abusive so she understood. And consuled me. But it was horrifying. My one thing that has given me joy and gotten me through this marriage has been my work and the joy it brings me and others and now he is infiltrating that area as well. I'm a mess.

Please help. For this one situation today!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

Him not making deliveries is unacceptable.  I might start looking for someone part time to take up the slack.

With respect to his friends item, I see no reason not to fill the order, but due to him not carrying his weight in the business you are behind and will not be able to fill the order on time.  It is his responsibility to follow up with his friend and explain why.  This wouldn't be about "punishment' but a very real world logistical problem of not having the time to complete orders on times because he is not doing his share of the work in a timely fashion.

On a business note ... .if you're working 22 hour days it is time to expand and hire some reliable help.  

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY HANGING:

Are you and your husband in individual or joint therapy?  If not, perhaps it is time to get some help.  Sounds like you need a littler professional help to deal with your current situation.

Unfortunately, we can't change others.  We can only control how we interact, react and handle our own emotions.  If he is picky and critical, he will likely be that way his entire life.  My dad was picky and critical.  He had his soft moments and threw out occasional complements, but he was controlling.  He was what he was. I couldn't have imagined ever working with him in a family business.


It might be helpful to look through your options for short-term remedy and then perhaps long-term resolution:

• Maybe you can convince your husband to take a break from the family business right now and temporarily replace him.



• Are there friends and/or relatives that are willing to help you out, perhaps on a part-time basis?



• Perhaps you husband is in the midst of depressions and needs some treatment for that?

Always good to have a back-up plan in place, when you have a business.  :)o you have anything like that?  It can be a lot harder to do with a family business, but a rainy day will always come.  It is just a matter of when.  

Can you reach out and get some professional help?

[Thread]

Naughty nibbler

We have three therapists. He's been through the DBT program. I've been in therapy since we met. Dumb I didn't realize what was going on which now I'm realizing is because my mom treated me this way during my upbringing. So 5 years of marriage I'm realizing oh I'm being emotionally abused.

C.stein:

Thank you I'm trying to figure out the line between setting boundaries, but getting confused with that seeming manipulative. With the business it's hard to define how exactly to set boundaries when he acts out. I let him deal with it today. In so over the manipulation. And control tactics.