12 days not seeing our son

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello everyone

I took my son on Saturday the 18th. Then the court date last Monday and my son's mother text me one brief message that ended with Good bye.

I talked to my son's grandmother 3 days ago and she said it was all control and if so that's certainly nothing new.

Right now my son's mother is receiving child support and I'm basically paying for everything from food and diapers to daycare.

I did text her earlier today and she hasn't responded.

I can only guess what she's up to, and my son is fine. Woke up sick from the chemo this morning and had to crawl out of bed. When the chemo hits I ache in my bones and have no energy and get depressed or headaches. Strange but we are managing

I hope my exgf will help with expenses soon, she's not working so not sure what she has on her plate.

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

I took my son on Saturday the 18th. Then the court date last Monday and my son's mother text me one brief message that ended with Good bye.

I talked to my son's grandmother 3 days ago and she said it was all control and if so that's certainly nothing new.

Right now my son's mother is receiving child support and I'm basically paying for everything from food and diapers to daycare.

I did text her earlier today and she hasn't responded.

I can only guess what she's up to, and my son is fine. Woke up sick from the chemo this morning and had to crawl out of bed. When the chemo hits I ache in my bones and have no energy and get depressed or headaches. Strange but we are managing

I hope my exgf will help with expenses soon, she's not working so not sure what she has on her plate.

[Herodias]

So sorry you are feeling so poorly Jerry. I know chemo must be rough... .you sure have allot to deal with. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. Is your son's Grandmother of any help for you? Is this your exes Mother? Is your ex working? I heard there is some program for free diapers if she is not... .she may qualify for help with that. I have my Step Father needing to have surgery and my Mother diagnosed with dementia. It's a mess. My sister and I are trying to help as much as we can and work. Things are not great in my world at the moment either. Sometimes it just feels like there is too much going on at once. I have a court date for when my ex is taking me back to court to get out of paying me money he promised, retroactively, after he said please don't take half of my 401k and my stocks... .cancelled my health insurance with out telling me and he wants me to pay him back for everything. I am not so confidant in my lawyer right now and she made me pay her even more money on the divorce than he paid. I feel like I am paying my lawyer to teach his lawyer family law, since his lawyer is a criminal lawyer. I am not happy about it. I am slowly going broke over all of this and want it over. Too much going on. I am sorry you are having to deal with so much at once as well... .Just when  your ex should have been being helpful to you, she is not. That's typical. Does she seem to understand what you are going through at all? In some ways I suppose it is best not to even tell her as she could use it against you. One thing I noticed about my ex is that his parents were always afraid to tell him much of anything. They didn't want it held against them.  I always though they were just babying him, but now I think I understand they are bit afraid. Who knows what they went through... .I hope you feel better! 

[ForeverDad]

I noticed in your topic's subject line you wrote "our son".  Good for you.  However, I doubt his mother could or would use that phrase.  Yes, it's okay to say "my child" but can both parents also readily say "our child" as you did?  That ought to be a real indicator to any professional.

My Custody Evaluator was a child psychologist who also taught at the local university.  His evaluation took 5 months, a month longer than allotted since my bi-lingual Ex, a certified medical/legal translator at the time, chose to answer the psych tests in her parent's native language and so the CE had to hire someone to translate them.  His thorough report was about 10 or 11 pages (some members here relate their reports were as much as 100 pages!) and the summary stated, "Mother cannot share 'her' child but Father can."  That spoke volumes and so it should for you.  If a parent is so controlling, demanding, dictatorial or entitled that cooperation or sharing is an issue, then that ought to be a huge red flag to the evaluators, other professionals and the court.  Understand that unless it gets noted somewhere "on the record" at court then it may be easy for the court to ignore it.

[JerryRG]

Thank you Foreverdad

I've lost count how many times she's used the "my son" and he was "ours or yours" only when she was tired of him. I use "my son" in the forums because I thought it sounded like he was "ours" to the people in the rooms. I've noticed this trend with my son's mother. She kept me from him for the first 6 months of his life because he kept her sober. Then she lost her job and I became an important part of his life. She's not fooling me ever again.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Blue for your encouragement, sorry I've been running like the wind trying to take care of my son and all the other details.

[JerryRG]

Day 14 and mom still hadn't even asked about our son

[ForeverDad]

When the police drove off with my then-spouse (Threat of DV charges due to her death threats) I had my preschooler with me uninterrupted the next 6 days.  The first night he woke up and asked where she was.  Same for the next night.  Other than that he never asked about her.  In my self-sabotaging attempt to be overly-fair, I mentioned her when we were making chocolate ship cookies.  He immediately change the subject back to making cookies.  I got the message.  I left well enough alone.  We had peace, something rare in those complaining, screaming, arguing days.

Of course, I'm not saying to wrongly obstruct her.  But let things be.  Let her find her own level of contact that fits her perceptions and world view as long as it's not a problem.  Even for mothers, not all can fulfill the role of mother.  It appears that for your son she will be a sometimes mother and likely he can do well with that.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Foreverdad

In my perfect dream world I get full custody and mother just goes away, never know, stranger things have happened

I know our son loves his mother, I just cringe thinking how her illness will affect him.

She told me a few months ago she didn't think she would shoplift if our son was with her. Nice