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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: when it boils down to not wanting t do simple things like this  (Read 499 times)
byfaith
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« on: July 01, 2016, 01:21:46 PM »

after being dogged in text messages over the past 3 days and being told what a hateful and rude person I am.

I get a text asking me to print a picture out for her on my printer at work so she can frame it for her mom to put in her house.

My nature says print the picture because I don't mind doing favors for people but I feel like I am being used after all that crummy crap was said to me

If I do it then she sees me as useful. If I don't do it I will be hateful and rude and her opinion of me stays correct.

If I don't print it I am trying to prove a point. This sucks to me. This may sound totally ridiculous. she basically is giving me the cold shoulder unless she needs a favor from me.


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formflier
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« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2016, 05:12:34 PM »

Print the picture but hold off on giving it to her. 

Remember this is an "in the moment" disorder... .she changes her feelings about you rapidly.

Will try to write more later.

FF
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2016, 11:35:39 AM »

If I do it then she sees me as useful. If I don't do it I will be hateful and rude and her opinion of me stays correct.


This is a similar dynamic to her having such high expectations of you with her son. It's like she expects you to be the perfect "servant" and when you're just a normal human being with your own wants and needs, then she finds you lacking and paints you black.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Lucky Jim
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« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2016, 04:07:00 PM »

Hey by faith, Sounds like manipulation to me.  Can you feel the pressure?  It's F-O-G: fear, obligation or guilt.  Suggest you pull back and do nothing until the FOG clears.  LJ
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
byfaith
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« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2016, 04:23:57 PM »



Remember this is an "in the moment" disorder... .she changes her feelings about you rapidly.



This I have to remember
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