Advice

[dexter123]

Hi, I am new to this and desperately need advice as I am at a loss and really don't know what to do!.

My 20 year old daughter, who I don't know any more and I feel heart broken, sad, and feel that i'm been judged for my daughter as having BPD. I don't know what to do to help her as she doesn't except that anything is wrong with her and she thinks she is normal, that alone is a problem, I have been to her GP and because she is an adult, they won't listen to my concerns because the look at me as the over bearing parent. I feel i'm fighting a loosing battle.

Growing up she always expressed very sternly that she never wanted kids and demonstrated this in her action and feeling or should I say lack of feeling towards her siblings and her large surrounding family. she was a very much loved child and was taking under wing by many members of my family due to our understanding that she was quite vulnerable and had to cope with a lot in life. she has gone from a daughter who was so close to a daughter who passes her home every day and never pops in to see her siblings who love and miss her very much. over 2 years ago she went into a relationship with a boy her own age and since then our whole lives has changed for the worst.

This is a girl who never showed any interest in boys, suddenly has a boyfriend and was 5 months pregnant. I was totally shocked as were my family and friends, what made it worse was this boy had a relationship with my niece previously and was a bully and very clever and over powering. they are totally obsession with each other it is un natural, I just don't understand it.

They had a beautiful little boy who is now 1 year old and we love him dearly, but it hurts me very much to see the lack of interest the both have in their son, their lack of patience and love especially from my daughter and this worries me for the child. He comes to stay with me 2 nights a week, it's the only time I get to see my daughter and usually is just to drop him off and go, i'm really the childminder in their eyes not the grandmother. I love my grandchild very much and he loves spending time with us and don't want to go back to his parents when they come to collect him and this saddens me. The don't ring about him, they could leave him with me for a week and not have any contact about his well being. All they seem to want is each other. I just don't under stand it all.

I have tried also speaking to her family nurse, but nobody except my family and friends sees  my real daughter, it's like she wears a mask, that nobody can see except us. I love her and my grandson with all my heart and want whats best for them, but don't understand it all and don't know what to do, any advice to help me understand and to help the both would be very much appreciated!                

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Dexter123,

Welcome to the Parenting Board, we are pleased that you have decided to join and share some of your story with us about your daughter and family.

Being confused about your daughter and what causes her behaviors is common for us parents of children/adult children with BPD/traits of BPD.  What behaviors does your daughter exhibit that causes you to believe that she has BPD?  I'm a little confused, are you saying that she is accusing you of having BPD?

It doesn't sound like your d20 has been diagnosed or had therapy, is that right?

Having grandchildren in the mix makes it even more difficult to know how to deal with our loved ones that suffer with BPD.  It is good that you get to have time regularly with your grandson.  Having an extended family that gives him love and stability to offset the instability/lack of attention from his parents is important to him as he grows.

We have lots of info here on BPD, the traits and how it can manifest in each individual sufferer.  The Lessons to the right of the page are a good place to start reading and learning about how this disorder is affecting your daughter and her choices.  Once we have an understanding of the disorder we can begin to understand our children more and learn ways to improve our communication/relationship with them.

I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

lbjnltx