Why give him any more?
You are so close to "getting it". It's not about giving him any more energy... .none... .zip... .zero.
What you need to understand is that a healthier decision is to send that energy to you... .and to your kids.
Use that energy to provide loving, kind, and firm structure (boundaries) where you and your kids can thrive emotionally.
Leave the door open for your hubby to join you. Respect his choice. Respect your choice. Give him space and time to make his choice.
You can obviously tell that I am a stayer at heart. Yet I'm on the undecided board. There are several things that will be coming up soon where I will be taking action and offering choices to my wife.
I know for a fact that she is not going to like them and that it will be upsetting for a while. My job is to provide a loving structure for her to work through this. My desire, from the bottom of my heart, is that she stays. But that is her choice to make.
Ultimately... .everyone on these boards are part of a love story. Most of us have had those stories get really mixed up.
I'm also a very religious guy (conservative Baptist). I do my best to follow and model the life that Jesus portrayed and called us to emulate.
He is the model of teaching us how to love. He didn't threaten or manipulate He was clear about putting grace before truth, but both elements are present. He gave grace... .and gave truth... .and then waited for an answer.
He respects the answer that he gets. He doesn't try to force people to love him.
Each person in the relationship must have the freedom to stay or go. It is from that position that we can truly love.
FF