first time being painted black?

[nona]

DD13 has sided with BPD dad and made false allegations to police that I abused her.

I been trying to stay in contact by cell, text, emails.

It has been 6 weeks I can't see her in person.
HAd  phone conversation today, I tried to talk about the alleged abuse day.


Im sure I am triggered as this is  a reflection of my divorce with BPD ex.

When I spoke the truth about our abusive home, relationship, and set a boundary. He said "you made it all up, and if you just take it all back, we can be a family again."

Now D13 told me "you did xyz abuse that day, and until you can get past your shame and admit it, I don't want any contact with you, I am going to the courts to tell them."

Before the conversation went this way,,, my little girl said, "mama, will we still get to take a road trip this summer." I was so hopeful.

I am facing the child protection people and BPD ex is insisting on full residential time , due to the alleged abuse I perpetrated.

I feel paralyzed.

I already have minimal contact with her.

I know what did not work with her father

Validating at the point police accusations of domestic abuse.

How do I validate?

How do I stop the bleeding?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Nona, what it is that you are looking to validate?  We don't want to validate the invalid.  Would something like "it must be very confusing for you to feel that you were in an abusive home" be what you are seeking?

Is there an investigation by CPS pending?

lbj

[nona]

I validated her hurt, which did draw her in somewhat.

I was told... ."admit that you did xyz or I don't want any contact with you"triage was over for me.


she hung up on me and does not answer the phone or my texts or emails.
One "leave me alone" e-mail.

It is very triggering because that is the exact same sentence from UBPDEX that made me know my my marriage was "over" for me. "If you just admit you lied about everything, we can stay together and have Thanksgiving dinner with the kids!"

I had to go no contact with UBPDEX as I could not endure one more minute of abuse. But now my 13 year old child... .with him.

Doing it to me.

BPDEX has been threatening to have her full alienated, and has an appointment now for D13 to talk to CPS lawyer to tell them what she wants.

SOO.I will remember to validate next time, if and when there is one.

[nona]

so pretty much, set is the only way to sneak in the truth?