So so confused

[concernedman]

Well here goes.  I am at a loss of words, but I feel so strange.  Could I say I am traumatized.  My wife and I have been together about eight years, six of which we have been married.  I don't understand what is happening.  But I am tired, hurt and scared of what I am going to say or not say, of what I will do or not do next, and anything in between.  I really don't care about simple things like food, sleep, safety or much of anything.  But I have been turning to God in prayer and placing my trust in him.  I have much faith in him, but everything is so uncertain in life.  My biggest query concerns when I come to my wife with a concern about her relationships with other male co-workers, friends and acquaintances, especially with email conversations, she somehow turns it back on me.  She gets angry quickly.  She is mean.  She days hurtful things.  Then in a couple of days she loves me. I am trying to understand.  Any thoughts.

p.s.  I am also looking for a support group for spouses in St. Louis, Missouri.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Hello Concerned. I can sense the frustration in your post. You are not alone in feeling that way. Most of us who are or have been in a relationship with someone suffering from BPD have experienced that and the confusion that goes along with it. It can get overwhelming!

You have found a great place to vent your feelings and receive feedback. I often find that taking several deep breaths and centering myself helps calm the frustration and confusion enough to allow me to not feel so overwhelmed. Perhaps that would help you too in those moments.

When things would start to feel like they are spiraling out of control, it may also help to remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes.

What did you mean by not caring about simple things? Are you saying that right now you're interested in them like you normally would be?

[concernedman]

I really don't care about simple things like food, sleep, safety or much of anything.  I get depressed and my confidence goes in the bucket when these situations arise.  But, as the day has gone I am feeling a little better and my wife is being more reassuring about her love for me.  Phew!  But, I am having some trust issues with her.  She has said some very inappropriate things to other men of a sexual nature, but assures me it is just her flirting and that she wouldn't act on them.  This is confusing to me because I know she wouldn't want me talking like this with other females.