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Thanks for the reminder.
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Topic: Thanks for the reminder. (Read 1364 times)
Verbena
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Thanks for the reminder.
«
on:
July 22, 2016, 07:06:04 PM »
Today was my loan closing. I'm borrowing money to pay my husband so he will leave this house, plus a little extra to do some improvements. When the divorce is final (August 8?), the house will be legally mine. He has signed off on documents explaining all this, and he has agreed to being moved out ten days from the date of closing.
So I'm counting down now.
I drove up to the title office a couple of minutes before he did. I was rifling in my purse for some Altoids when he pulled in right next to me. Before I could even get out of my car, he jumped out of his truck and charged in ahead of me. Never looked at me, never spoke, acted like I wasn't there. Whatever. I figured he would act like this.
Ten days and counting... .
He was fuming in the waiting room (and we waited almost forty minutes) and about to boil over in the conference room during the signing. After he left, the closer seemed visibly relieved just like I always am when he leaves the house or goes somewhere away from me. She said to me, "He's sure not happy." I told her he never was and to not worry about it.
This got me to thinking about all the times he has embarrassed me in public--at a football game when he was told he couldn't go in a certain gate, at a company event when there wasn't enough seating and we had to stand, when my son locked his keys in the truck, at Wal-Mart, at the grocery store, in front of family members... .
I wasn't embarrassed today, though. Not at all. I was just reminded that this is why I'm doing this. I can't tolerate his behavior any more and know it will never change because he won't ackowledge that anything is wrong. Thirty-four years of this is just ENOUGH.
Now I'm wondering how things might have been different if I had been able years ago to not allow him to embarrass me, or upset me, or affect MY behavior based on HIS behavior.
I guess I'll never know.
Ten days and counting... .
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thisagain
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #1 on:
July 24, 2016, 12:41:17 PM »
Yikes. This would be a tense situation for any (former) couple, but it sounds like you did a great job of keeping your cool and not setting him off. I felt uncomfortable just READING about it.
Quote from: Verbena on July 22, 2016, 07:06:04 PM
Now I'm wondering how things might have been different if I had been able years ago to not allow him to embarrass me, or upset me, or affect MY behavior based on HIS behavior.
I guess I'll never know.
It's a good question, but you're right that there's no one answer. Maybe things wouldn't have been different at all. Maybe things would have gotten worse -- I and some other members noticed that our ex ramped up their dysfunctional behaviors as we worked to reduce ours.
Unfortunately, we can't just cut out the things we don't like from our lives and keep the rest the same. I've had a lot of experiences that I wished to undo -- emotionally abusive/neglectful childhood, painful physical disability, the BPD relationship, etc. But all of those experiences contributed to get me where I am today, which I'm pretty happy with.
34 years is a LONG time, and I'm sure your marriage affected many other areas of your life in both negative and positive ways. As you go through the process of detaching, I hope that you're able to see the good things in your life (and maybe even a few in the relationship?), and find peace with your life just the way it is.
And the lessons you've learned, about boundaries and not allowing other people to control your happiness, will enrich your relationships with family, friends, and even future romantic partner(s). It's a long and difficult process to reflect on a BPD relationship and make the decision to leave. Once we get past the pain and shock of the breakup, most of us agree that we've emerged better people who are more capable of handling all sorts of relationships.
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uniquename
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #2 on:
July 24, 2016, 01:44:53 PM »
I also find it helps to know he's deregulated to remind myself I'm doing the right thing. Makes me feel guilty though at the same time, though, because I do wish instead he'd be better. Catch 22.
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Cat Familiar
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #3 on:
July 24, 2016, 02:02:47 PM »
Counting down the hours... .you will feel so free when he finally moves out, Verbena! Once that happens, I hope you can take some free time apart from your work, and fully experience your home, alone, and relax and contemplate how unburdened you feel--have a truly enjoyable stay-cation!
Your description of your husband's behavior reminds me of signing papers with my ex and as we were leaving, he walked right into a glass panel. That let me know how upset he was because he was always very aware of his surroundings.
These last few days will undoubtedly drag on endlessly, but there is a clear goal in sight--and your freedom!
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“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #4 on:
July 24, 2016, 07:01:59 PM »
thisagain, it was very tense and awkward. I found that I could almost step outside myself and observe us there with that poor lady in the conference room. A couple of times I actually wanted to laugh. Glad I didn't.
You're right that things might not have been different at all if I had reacted to him differently over the years. I did learn--after mayby twenty years--that I could just move on with whatever I was doing and be affected a lot less by him.
uniquename, I feel a lot of emotions right now but guilt isn't one of them. I know I could never change him, nor could I continue to live with him when he would make no effort to change.
cat, a staycation sounds like a wonderful idea! I am looking forward to blasting some Martina McBride (Let Freedom Ring) when he's finally out.
Speaking of being finally out... .
Eight more days... .
He still has not packed a single thing. We have a large shop/storage room full of his stuff. The attic is full of his stuff. The garage is full of his stuff. He is suposedly going to take some of the furniture. And then there are his personal items.
Yesterday, I was in and out of the house. I left for awhile to go work at a client's house, to meet a friend who was selling me some furniture to re-hab, and I was outside for quite awhile sweating my brains out (heat index of 106) painting a buffet. I really thought he would at least start going through some of his crap. But no, he fooled all day with the new phone he just bought. Unreal.
It occurred to me that he might think he has longer than ten days since he hasn't gotten his money yet. Although we closed the loan on Friday, the money won't be released until Wednesday, possibly Thursday, of this coming week. So I asked him if he understood that it was ten days from the date of the closing, not ten days from the date he receives a check.
He looked at me for several seconds with a puzzled expression, looked away and said yes (lots of anger in his demeanor) and then walked away while I was still talking. I wasn't trying to tick him off; I wanted to make sure that he understood what the temporary orders said.
I guess he's going to wait until the last possible minute to move out.
Eight more days... .
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formflier
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #5 on:
July 24, 2016, 07:32:13 PM »
You totally owe us a detailed story about what you do inside your house on the first day after he is gone.
Somehow I think a man's version of what would be cool and a woman's version might be a bit different... .
Seriously though, have you thought through what you are going to do or say if he asks you for help packing, carrying things. I'm doubtful he will change ways, but think through what you will do if he is suddenly nice, wants to reminisce as he packs... .etc etc.
FF
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Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #6 on:
July 24, 2016, 09:42:08 PM »
FF, I'm not a betting woman but I'm about 110% sure he isn't going to ask for my help or want to take a walk down memory lane.
I'll let you know what I end up doing after he's gone. Right now I'm thinking that I will make a lot of noise. He's had some pretty significant rages because I washed a skillet in the sink, "made" the dogs bark, "slammed" cabinet doors, and "caused" horrible smells that woke him up.
My firepit is ready to go. There could be some ceremonial burning of something going on.
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formflier
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #7 on:
July 24, 2016, 10:03:30 PM »
Me too... I think it is really unlikely.
Give it 10 minutes of thought... .have response ready. And be glad after he is gone that you didn't have to use it.
FF
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Ceruleanblue
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #8 on:
July 25, 2016, 10:55:53 AM »
Excerpt
It's a good question, but you're right that there's no one answer. Maybe things wouldn't have been different at all. Maybe things would have gotten worse -- I and some other members noticed that our ex ramped up their dysfunctional behaviors as we worked to reduce ours.
I noticed this too. The more I used the tools, or stopped letting his verbal abuse bother me, or be reactive to it, the more he ramped it up. It's like he thrives on chaos, and getting a reaction, even if it's a negative one, heck, especially if it's a negative one. Maybe even my slight disapproval or walking away gave him some sick satisfaction? As in, it gave him justification to feel "rejected", "abandoned" or to paint me black? Who knows. I just know it did in fact seem to make him worse at times, not better.
I'm so proud of you, Verbena! You have come such a long way, and as you say, the countdown is on. I'd bet you are right about his coming actions, and it's good you can somewhat predict that. You'll have a plan in place to deal with it. I too am looking forward to the time when I don't have to live with the highs and lows, and never knowing what sort of day he'll have, or how he'll react. Like you, I've been embarrassed in public, a lot of times. He mostly tries to act the good husband in public, but over the years, the mask has slipped several times.
We all deserve someone that treats us well, and what other reason is there to be married if the very person that is supposed to love us, can't even do that in a somewhat consistent, healthy way? Or at least be actively working on their issues?
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Cat Familiar
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #9 on:
July 25, 2016, 11:51:31 AM »
I wanted to touch on the "embarrassment" theme. Yes, my first husband regularly embarrassed me in public, anywhere from minor verbal obliviousness to hitting on my friends. Once I saw him kiss one of my so-called friends at school.
I can't say my current husband embarrasses me much. His social awareness is more acute than mine for most circumstances, being that he went to prep school and an Ivy League college. However, I've had to tell him not to blow his nose on a napkin (paper) when he finishes eating. What wait person would want to pick up a snotty napkin? Yuck!
One instance where he did embarrass me, he basically ended a long-standing friendship I had with a couple. Over time, our friendship was waning for a variety of reasons, and being that they live a few hundred miles away, I seldom saw them anyway. What happened was that they were visiting us and we were all cooking dinner. My husband had been drinking and then they lit up a joint. For some reason, alcohol and pot combined, for him, can make him lose his filter and be weirder than usual.
We got into a political discussion about insurance companies. My friends, who are both doctors, basically hewed the corporate line, which infuriated my lawyer husband. Out of the blue, he turned to the husband and said, "F* you!"
Everyone was shocked and dinner came to an abrupt end. He did apologize privately, but the damage had been done. I really have never forgiven him for that. And of course, my former friends never again visited.
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“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #10 on:
July 25, 2016, 06:45:24 PM »
Out of the blue, he turned to the husband and said, "F* you!"
Yeah, that might have been what sealed the deal with your friends. Your husband actually apologized to them, though? My husband doesn't apologize ever.
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Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #11 on:
July 27, 2016, 07:14:37 PM »
Update: He started packing Monday evening. Quite a few boxes have left the house. His items in the shop, garage, and attic could fill a Mayflower, but he hasn't dealt with any of that yet. At least he is making the effort to leave.
We speak very, very little. He is angry and won't look at me. Pretty much the usual. The money was released today from the title company, and I went to pick up the check. Per the temporary orders, he was issued a check for the amount we agreed on. The remainder was issued to me. I will deposit it tomorrow into savings and use it for my new fence.
I have decided that I am going to say a couple things to him before he actually drives away for the last time. I'm still planning what to say. I know it won't make any difference, but I NEED SOME CLOSURE.
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formflier
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #12 on:
July 28, 2016, 07:52:01 AM »
Quote from: Verbena on July 27, 2016, 07:14:37 PM
I have decided that I am going to say a couple things to him before he actually drives away for the last time. I'm still planning what to say. I know it won't make any difference, but I NEED SOME CLOSURE.
Probably good idea to post about that here.
What you want to say.
and
What you are hoping it will accomplish (even though you realize it likely won't make a difference)
Also, think through how you will handle it if the conversation doesn't happen, goes really well, or goes nuclear.
Last: Assuming you get to say your piece... .how do you think you will feel about what you said a year from now.
Ok... .really last thing. Think about your goal... .is your goal to edify him? My prayer for you would be that you can find a way to send him an emotional healthy... .edifying... .last few words.
FF
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Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #13 on:
July 28, 2016, 08:04:03 AM »
ff, I was considering something like, "I hope, for your sake, that you will someday be able to get to the source of your anger and have some happiness."
I DO want him to have some happiness and I DO want him to get some help. There is virtually no chance he ever will, but that doesn't mean I don't want it for him. He's the father of my two kids and the grandfather of my precious grandson.
Will this make him mad? Probably. But he's mad all the time anyway.
I'm 99.9 percent sure there won't be any conversation. I'll make my statement (whatever I end up saying it will be short) and he will walk away.
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Cat Familiar
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #14 on:
July 28, 2016, 10:37:25 AM »
"I hope, for your sake, that you will someday be able to get to the source of your anger and have some happiness."
I think this statement holds true for so many with personality disorders. There's just an unfathomable amount of anger underlying all the negative behavior and they deny themselves the possibility of finding happiness.
It continues to astonish me how a kind remark can be twisted in their minds into something critical. After my husband spent much of the afternoon dealing with the phone company and a repair guy, trying to get our internet speed back to "normal," he was still grousing about "the ordeal" he went through the next day. I said something like, "It must feel really good to have negotiated all that bureaucracy and gotten everything working again," which I assumed would be validating.
He replied, "You could at least be appreciative." I was just amazed... .
Congratulations, Verbena, on getting the loan, seeing him pack his things, and finally having an end in sight. I remember the silent anger when my ex-husband was leaving. From the window of my house, I watched him dig up plants in the garden to take with him. It was a very weird time.
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“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
formflier
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #15 on:
July 28, 2016, 12:29:19 PM »
Verbena,
We have chatted about Christian values before. I think if you could add a grace component to your message, you would be right on target.
Remember, grace before truth.
I would say something more along the lines of "truly understand and deal with the source of your anger"
"deal with" doesn't sound right... .but it's all I can come up with right now.
Could the grace part be something about your children? Is there something you can thank him for?
FF
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Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #16 on:
July 28, 2016, 07:13:51 PM »
Now that he has a boatload of money in his bank account (after my loan money was released yesterday), he is suddenly in a pretty good mood.
My son-in-law's mother just left the house a little while ago. She came to pick up the baby to take him to her house for the night. The last couple of times she has been here, my husband completely avoided her. A week ago tonight we had a farewell dinner at a local restaurant for our son and his fiance before they flew back to Beijing, and my husband didn't even come.
So I was a little surprised today when he put on quite a show in front of the mother-in-law. She knows what's been going on as I have told her. In fact, I spent the night in her guest house a couple of weeks ago because I had had all I could take of H's mind games and just had to get out of here for awhile.
FF, he is a good father in many ways and a good grandfather. I could thank him for that. He hates being complimented and will probably think (and say, if he speaks to me) that I am patronizing him. It doesn't matter, of course, because whatever parting words I have for him are really for ME, not him.
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michel71
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #17 on:
July 28, 2016, 09:36:49 PM »
CONGRATS AND A BIG HUG TO YOU!
You must keep us posted about your first day of true freedom. How will you celebrate. And it is a celebration for you, to reclaim you, to love yourself and finally have peace.
As for parting words... .I doubt that anything you could say would resonate with him as you have had many many years of opportunities for that to happen. He might as well be deaf.
What you want to say is for you. Something poignant. Something insightful. Something to wrap it all up. Ultimately I think it is more about the unsaid, the living well to your fullest, to prayers for peace for his life and endeavors. Bless him and let him go.
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Grey Kitty
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #18 on:
July 29, 2016, 01:44:39 AM »
Quote from: Verbena on July 27, 2016, 07:14:37 PM
I have decided that I am going to say a couple things to him before he actually drives away for the last time. I'm still planning what to say. I know it won't make any difference, but I NEED SOME CLOSURE.
Closure is something you have to make for yourself. He's not at all likely to help you with that.
Still, if you feel you need to say these things, go ahead.
You might find that figuring it out / writing it down / thinking about it is more important than saying it to him.
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formflier
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #19 on:
July 29, 2016, 06:32:59 AM »
Quote from: Verbena on July 28, 2016, 07:13:51 PM
because whatever parting words I have for him are really for ME, not him.
Yes, this is true. Grey Kitty has some wise advice about writing it down.
Still... .I think you should do some more work on the "purpose" of these words.
Closure for you. Is anything "opening"? Certainly it is the end of a r/s where you guys are living together. Is it the start of a "co-grandparent" role? I saw somewhere that he didn't come to a dinner for a son (that's sad)... .but I would certainly expect that you will from time to time bump into him at family things.
For your sake, I hope you can figure out what you want your r/s to be like. YOU are setting an example for others around you as well as YOU are taking care of you.
FF
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Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #20 on:
July 29, 2016, 12:25:12 PM »
FF, there will be many occasions I am sure that we will both be present for events pertaining to our grandson. I'm perfectly fine with that. He ignores me now when we are together with our grandson, and that probably won't change after we are divorced. I'll speak to him at T-ball games, or wherever, and he can mumble and look away, or he can ignore me completely. That's on him.
He didn't come to the farewell dinner for our son and his fiance because our daughter's in-laws were going to be there. He knows they know stuff and won't face them--even though he acted super nice and animated in front of the mother-in-law yesterday. Strange.
As for the purpose of my parting words, there really is no purpose except that I want to say what I want to say. I want to speak the truth--not that he has a clue what the truth is--for ME.
What I won't do is try to re-hash anything that has already been said. Whatever I say, it will be something he's never heard before from me. Of course, he doesn't "remember" the events of our past
and has false memories, so who knows if he will realize it's new information or not. It doesn't matter.
This is what I've settled on for now:"For your sake, I hope you will one day acknowledge your anger and get to the root of it so that you can have some peace and happiness in your life."
The end.
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Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #21 on:
July 29, 2016, 12:30:31 PM »
Oh, and I forgot to mention that the fence guys came today and started ripping the old ghetto fence out. Husband is here moving at a snail's pace with his packing, taking frequent breaks staring at the computer, and FUMING MAD.
He would never do anything about this rotten, falling-down fence and now I am.
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Cat Familiar
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #22 on:
July 29, 2016, 02:01:27 PM »
What a relief it must be to finally get the fence replaced. And I'm sure that was irritating to your husband.
When I finally got rid of my first husband, I sheathed the exterior of the garden teahouse that he never got beyond the tarpaper stage, I built an office on the foundation we had prepared years earlier and I had an electrician fix multiple dangerous electrical violations that my husband seemed to think were adequate. (The electrician was horrified at his shoddy work.)
I had someone haul off a cab from a 60s era Chevy truck that my husband had acquired, made numerous dump runs, put free ads in the paper for a variety of building materials that had been exposed to the elements for years and finally got rid of the numerous half-finished projects and materials for abandoned projects that he had littered our property with for years. It took me months, but I finally de-whitetrashed the place.
The end result was so amazing--to see nature's beauty again, where previously had been manmade clutter and chaos, rusting metal, decomposing lumber, weeds growing through window frames, rotting tires, shredded tarps.
To reclaim a sense of elegant simplicity and order and to lose the reminders of chaos and strife meant so much to me and was so healing. I'm glad you are nearing the phase when you will reclaim the peacefulness of your home.
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“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #23 on:
July 29, 2016, 05:41:24 PM »
Cat, wow. You are a go-getter. I'm glad you were able to restore your property after your ex was gone.
The first thing the workers did today was finish a section of fence near the shop (my husband has started and never finished TONS of projects and this was one of them) so that I could have a place to put the dogs where they'd be safe. I am right on top of a VERY busy road, and I'm terrified something will happen to one of them. The crazy one, Ruby, broke free from her leash today twice. It's been a tough day. I should have never let them take the fence down on a Friday. Now I'm open to that stupid road all weekend. They'll be back to put up the new fence Monday.
I am really starting to wonder if he's going to be out in time. He has done very little today. He did spend quite a bit of time vacuuming out the nasty boxes and plastic buckets that I dug out of the attic, the ones that he claimed weren't up there.
Temporary orders say he must "vacate the marital residence" no later than ten days from the date of closing. That's Monday. What do I do if he isn't out by then?
My daughter called me this afternoon to tell me that her dad is now saying he may not buy a house after all. She is doing really well (she has BPD), but this is stressing her out to no end. He's supposed to move in with her while he looks for a house.
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formflier
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #24 on:
July 29, 2016, 06:41:50 PM »
Quote from: Verbena on July 29, 2016, 05:41:24 PM
My daughter called me this afternoon to tell me that her dad is now saying he may not buy a house after all. She is doing really well (she has BPD), but this is stressing her out to no end. He's supposed to move in with her while he looks for a house.
Might want to consider a boundary here. Especially if your daughter has BPDish tendencies. What your hubby tells her is none of your business and she has no business spreading it around.
"That's something to talk to your father about... ." is probably a good way to start.
FF
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Verbena
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #25 on:
July 30, 2016, 12:17:39 PM »
FF, "This is between y'all and it has nothing to do with me" is what I told her.
When she first told me months ago that she was going to offer him a place to stay temporarily, I told her it was their (hers and her husband's) decision. Inside, I was thinking this would be a recipe for disaster if he took her up on it.
He declined her offer initially but then changed his mind. I still think it's a really bad idea, but at least I won't have to be there to witness it.
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Cat Familiar
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
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Reply #26 on:
July 30, 2016, 01:17:34 PM »
Good work, Verbena. Your daughter will undoubtedly get a taste of "No good deed goes unpunished."
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“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Grey Kitty
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
«
Reply #27 on:
July 30, 2016, 06:26:41 PM »
Good job letting your stbexH and daughter make and deal with their own mess!
That fear that he won't be out on schedule sounds very real. The good news is that you can legally force him to leave, if he isn't. You can also change the locks if he doesn't give you his key, or you don't trust him not to keep one.
And if his stuff is still there, you can load it out to the curb for him to deal with. If it is too much work for you, a day laborer or two under your direction will do the job.
Your choice how much slack to give him before you play hardball on this stuff. I sure wouldn't recommend more than an extra day or two for moving the rest out, and might take away his unsupervised access to the house at the deadline.
I suspect that having to ask your permission for access to move his stuff out will be unpleasant enough for him that he will try pretty hard to avoid it or be done with it quickly!
If he is close, and seems to be working hard and effectively, perhaps there will be no need to pressure him further.
The choice will be yours!
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Ceruleanblue
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Re: Thanks for the reminder.
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Reply #28 on:
August 01, 2016, 11:54:17 AM »
I think what you said to your daughter is great! It firmly puts the decision on her, and dealing with the fallout will be hers to deal with too. You stayed out of it, even knowing the likely outcome. That's so healthy, and just great.
My BPDh met with his least awful daughter(which isn't saying much), and they are back to "working on the relationship". Meaning HE is having to jump hoops, and she enjoys this. Now, I know BPDh is unhealthy, but I've never witnessed him being anything other than a butt kisser to his kids. He's put them before himself, our marriage, and he'd do anything to have them in his life. They all have BPD, or BPD tendencies, and huge narcissistic traits too. She sees what he Dad is, but is really harsh on him, but she also won't take any responsibility for her part in this. The very thing she accuses him of(and I don't actually see him doing it with these girls, just me, and bosses and such).
If I were you, I'd totally have the locks changed. Is he doing the last of the moving today? Also, I hope your daughter isn't always relaying information about her Dad to you. My ex doesn't have BPD, but I still hate hearing what is going on in his life all the time. Even though it's been 10 years, I probably need to tell my kids that I just don't want to hear about him, other than how it directly relates to them.
I hope today is the day he finally does move out, and that he keeps his end of the bargain. Legally, he's supposed to. I'd bet your feel really free? Any residual sadness, or just happy he'd leaving? I can imagine there will me such a mix of emotions. Enjoy the good of your day, like seeing that new fence, and tending those dogs. Hugs to you, you've earned them.
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